The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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People that did not get the vax act like they are superior because their blood is "purer". This is false.
They are superior because their brains are bigger.
Need your advice
Grew up with very large ears and have always been conscious of them. Couldn’t afford to get Otoplasty so I signed up for an experimental procedure that involved growing a new pair of ears on my body which would replace the old ones with a much more affordable surgical “cut and stitch” procedure. I signed up, waived all claims, and received a vial with instructions on how to administer the drugs. The lead doctor made sure to warn me not to overdose on the drug. I tried speeding things up and decided to use 10 times the dose I was supposed to yesterday night. I woke up in a horror this morning, with ears covering every part of my body. I know this is the joke reddit and I shouldn’t be asking for advice here but I’d love advice/help/remedies from anyone who knows how I can fix this. I’m all ears.
A Greek woman’s parents were opposed to her getting married.
“You just don’t like him because he’s German, not Greek!” she cried. “No, that’s not it at all,” he mother replied. “We just want you to consider whether you really want to go the rest of your life with the name Philomina Krotch.”
A man walks into a bakery
And the conditions are horrible. Flies everywhere, burnt bread and some tarts that were made of “mystery meat”. The only nice thing was a delicious cake behind the counter. The man purchases the cake, but when the cashier reaches for the money he suddenly eats the precious pastry. The man is furious, and yells, “I’ve been in many horrible bakeries, but this one absolutely takes the cake!” (Joke by me, not a very good one)
The most difficult aspect about my grandmothers dementia is
slowly watching her forget about Dre
A man walks into a fish & chip shop to order the evening meal.
He asks for two cod & chips. Owner: Apologies, we don’t have any cod. Man: Ok… I’ll have two cod & chips then. Owner (slightly irritated): Sorry, we haven’t got any cod, like I said. Man: Sorry, sorry!… I’ll just have two cod & chips then. Owner (now irate): Look mate, we’ve got no cod! C-O-F-D COD!! Man (confused): There is no F in cod. Owner: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!!
My farther told me that when looking for a wife….
…. To find a woman that loves you, a woman that can cook, a woman that you desire and a woman that pleases you sexually. And the most important piece of advice, never let these 4 women meet.
A gay couple had a fight before going to bed
They slept facing each other that night
Two Jewish men walk past a Catholic Church
Two Jewish men were walking past a Catholic Church when they saw a sign in the window that read, “Convert today and receive $100!” “Hey man, are you going to go and do it?,” asked the first Jewish man. “Heck no, I would never give up on my beliefs and faith, especially for just $100,” said the second Jewish man. “Well, I am going to go in and see what it is all about. Who knows, maybe they are onto something,” replied the first Jewish man. So, the first Jewish man walked into the Cathedral while the second man waited outside. After about an hour of waiting the first man, finally, came back outside. “So, did you get the money?,” asked the second Jewish guy. The first, now Catholic, guy replied, “IS THAT ALL YOU PEOPLE EVER THINK ABOUT?!?!?!”