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So if the stork is the bird that delivers the baby, what is the bird that prevents the pregnancy?

The swallow. You’re welcome.

Finally, Christmas jumper season is among us!

Looking forward to seeing what everyone has up their sleeves this year!

I broke my finger last week.

But on the other hand im OK!

A blonde prays to God

"Please dear Lord! Let me win the lottery!" Next day she buys a ticket and it loses. That night she prays to God again: "Please dear Lord! Let me win the lottery!" The next day she buys another lottery ticket and it loses again. She gets upset, goes to buy a book about Buddha, and that night prays: "Please dear lord Buddha! Let me win the lottery!" The next day she buys a lottery ticket and she wins over a million! She dances and cheers and cries out: "Thank you Lord, I only pretended to be buddhist!"

The workers at Staples must have loved college

They write "college ruled" on all the notebooks

how did the straight flat earther feel when he was hit on by a gay guy?

he was flat earth but not quite interested

What is the difference between a gynecologist and a dentist?

The teeth.

What do you call a feminist stillbirth? [dark]

a Ms. Carriage

I have recurring nightmare that I start doing crossfit...

...and then nobody is annoyed with me when I tell them for the 50th time about doing it

why did the pencil stink?

…because it was a No. 2

You know what they about getting high at a funeral

You can’t spell “funeral” without “real fun”!

What do you call a crazy bike lane?

A cyclepath.

A Marxist-Leninist, a Stalinist, and a Trotskyist walked into a voting booth

The election worker said “Sorry! You have to be at least 18 in order to vote.”

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