Stuff you better not say to your Friends 1/5

Here we have many funny and sometimes deeply shocking insights into things that shouldn't be said.

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My rubber ripped because my cock was too big. I`m wearing my hair down now!

Just because you puke on the train doesn`t mean you`re a pioneer.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I`m too good looking and too good in bed. She also babbled on about being a chronic liar, which I didn`t really understand because I was just fighting a bear.

I specifically don`t go to the gym. I don`t want to look like I`ll ever be able to help my friends move.

Am I the only one who finds it odd that Captain Iglo is driving around alone with a ship full of kids?

This morning those pesky JW`s knocked on my door for a whopping TWO HOURS. After that I let them out.

Please bury me in a mysterious place with a spring beneath me. I really want to scare the archaeologist who finds me!

At 15 I thought; I`ll be married when I`m 25.
At 25 I thought; I`ll have children when I`m 30.
At 39 I thought; oh kiss me...

My girlfriend always says size doesn`t matter... but I still wish she didn`t have a penis.

I live a life like Hugh Hefner. So without the money... and without a villa... and also without women. But I always wear a bathrobe.

I`ll write your names on firecrackers on New Year`s Eve. Then I can claim afterwards that I banged a lot of you.

I admire my girlfriend during sex: she has such great talent.

My life is a constant up and down - the beer porters are also in the basement.

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