Things better not to say - random entries

I’m a funeral home director
People are always dying to get my attention

*The TV Game*
A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is a city in Africa. The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration: "I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu ... " The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece: "When Tim and I to Brisbane went We met three women cheap to rent. They were three and we were two, So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "

Enough drunk, now it`s time to drink!

so a 3 year old boys visits his grandparents
The boy though that babies were made like cookies because he thought that skin looks like dough, anyway his grandparents had a cat and the cat dies a while before he comes to visit and when the boy asks where is their cat they tell him that it died and since he thought that living creatures were made like cookies he told them to make another one. This was based on true even from when I was 3

Friends
I used to have a buddy and we would play the game I spotted the ginger. Basically you had to be first to spot the ginger and make it known. He died in a car crash but I bought a ouija board and continued to play the game. Recently he hasn’t been responding I guess he has ghosted me

So they held a farting contest…
The last three standing in the race to win the award for the most ground shattering, the most ungodly minor explosion between the buttocks known to any human were an American, a Japanese & an Indian The American binged on some chipotles & some dairy & climbed the podium. Released a minor krakatoa which destroyed the stage & the butt explosion was heard by everyone in a 1 mile radius The Japanese laughed as he binged on some sushi & then released a nerve wrecking fart. The nearby graveyard reported coffins rising up to the ground & zombies coming out of them with one hand over their nose The Indian saw this spectacle & decided to back off as he wasn’t unsure he would be capable of doing something of this scale. The organisers who were wearing gas masks didn’t allow this So he stood there…closed his eyes, focussed to release a nuclear fart. But all he could release was a barely audible poof… Thinking that he has lost the battle, he looked around & so were the organisers… & then they saw that that Jesus atop a cross, took one of his hand off the cross & covered his nose !!!

What did the Joker say after robbing the car dealership?
Wanna know how I got these cars?

Here is the will...but where the hell is the way?!

Have you heard about the cross-eyed circumciser?
He got the sack.

Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.

My favorite childhood memories were building sandcastles with my grandparents
Then my mom took their urns away

What did Amber do when Johnny was too tired to go out?
She got Johnny depressed.

We should stop wearing masks
If we ignore Covid enough it might get depressed and commit suicide