Things better not to say - random entries

The Wedding Cake
A health forum speaker asks, "which food causes extreme suffering for years after eating it?" After a long silence, an old man answered: "Wedding Cake"

The Devil goes to God and says,
Devil: “Hey, I just wanted you to know that I just got accused of doing something that I didn’t do, or take part In at all. I had nothing to do with it! This person said they knew me and i told them to do it!” God; “I know, don’t worry about. Happens to me all the time too.”

How can you tell if a wall is sexually active?
If he’s bricked up.

What do you call someone who’s never heard of Billy Mays?
An OxiMoron

Someone asked me if I could have dinner with any world leader, living or dead, who would it be? I said, "Vladimir Putin...
dead."

I was going to make love to my wife
So I went to apply lube. But instead of lube, I accidentally applied industrial glue.

What should be the punishment of bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law

I used to hate beards…
But then it grew on me.

Why do rednecks never say never
They only know one n-word

a yo mama joke
yo mama is so ugly that when she walks into a bank they turn off the sucurity camras edit spelling

What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious

A guy walks into a bar…
Falls down screaming, “THIS ISN’T THE JOKE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN!!!”

On job applications I put …..
On job applications I put “Can pee with morning wood” under skills. When the employer asks me why I just say “Well because it’s kind of hard”