Things better not to say - random entries

How does a non binary Samurai finish their enemy ?
They slash Them

Did you know that every planet in our solar system is named a god...
Except Earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

(Short) Dirty Joke
Police have issued a city-wide statement: "Approximately an hour ago two thieves ran off with multiple pounds of Viagra" They say to keep an eye out for two hardened criminals...

Get the shit off!

Why did the car get disqualified from the neighborhood drag race?
>!No spoilers!<

Did you hear about the blind rabbi that missed when he was trying to perform a circumcision?
He got the sack! Badum tiss.

A lady on the bus next to me this morning was sneezing, about every 3 minutes...
Each time she sneezed, her eyes rolled back, she gave a moan and shuddered. Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes, so I asked her if she was alright. She said, "Yes". Then she explained she had a very rare condition, whereby every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm! I asked if she was taking anything for it? "Pepper" she replied.

What are you doing here, you should have been in my bed by now.

So my wife walked in on me fucking our daughter
Idk what she was more surprised by, me fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus.

ME: What does "competitive salary" mean?
BOSS: It means your salary will be competing with your bills.

The 2007 film "Zoo" is a documentary about a case of bestiality in Washington state...
A man bled to death due to perforated colon after having sex with a horse. As it turns out, Washington was at the time one of the last states in the union to have bestiality laws on the books, and legislature was passed as a result of this case. So do you think when they held this vote...were there any "Neighs"?

I masturbated at church last Sunday
It was a real coming to Jesus moment

a drunk man pukes near the sidewalk and a cat starts to drink it. Drunk many says:
"i dont remember eating a cat with sish kebab"