Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Here’s the punchline: “So he says ‘do you love me?’ and she says ‘no, but that’s a real nice ski mask’”
What’s a good setup for this joke?
I was on a plane and I saw one of friends there
I said hi Jack, everybody looked terrified for some reason
I rode an elevator today manufactured by a company named “Schindler”
I was on Schindler’s Lift.
... at a Date ...Bear buys a new motorbike
And he wants to show it off to his friend rabbit. They get on and slowly go up a big hill. Then on the way down they go 80, 90, 100, 110, 120 km/h! The bear then asks the rabbit:
”Are you scared?”
“Nope”, says the rabbit, so they finish the ride and get off the bike.
“May I try driving now?”, asks the rabbit. “Sure, why not”.
So they slowly go up the hill again, this time with the rabbit driving. And then they go down 80, 90, 100, 110, 120km/h! and the rabbit asks the bear:
“Are you scared?”
“Nope!”
“Well you should be, cause I can’t reach the brakes.”
Bill Cosby just moved in next door
He’s been on top of the house replacing broken shingles, and fixing leaks. Turns out he’s a very experienced roofer
Kidnappers
Wife asks husband:
W : If kidnappers took me and your mother, who would you be more afraid for?
H : For Kidnappers.
... to your Girlfriend ...Did you ever hear of actress Rita Tushingham?
She was in A Taste of Honey. She‘s white and in the movie, a black guy got her pregnant. When she went to the hospital, they gave her a white baby doll to practice with, and she ran out crying. “Oh the color’s wrong, the color’s wrong.”
Many years later, she was in the scary movie Puffball: The Devil’s Eyeball (with that blonde bitch from The Crying Game). The director insisted she dye her hair red for the part. But dyed red hair fades out within a day or so. This frustrated Rita: “Oh, the color’s wrong, the color’s wrong.”