Things better not to say - random entries

What has bare hands?
A bear.

(My 4 year old finds this absolutely hilarious) Why was the cow wearing headphones?
So he can listen to mooosic!

When it's raining, do you also look at other drivers' windshield wipers to see if they're overreacting?

You’re American when you go into the bathroom
and you’re American when you come out of the bathroom. But what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European

Diarrhea
Runs in your genes

Why were the students tired while practicing for a lockdown
Because there had already Benadryl

It’s statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun
that’s why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here

Not the Job he had in Mind
A man goes in for an interview which states "Male sex workers needed" He passes the interview and sees his first client, a slender piece of ass named Shakira He gets undressed and upon getting erect, she screams and runs to get HR. Puzzled, he reads the contract again and sees a piece of dirt. Upon rubbing it off, it reads: "6 inches or less is grounds for termination"

What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?
I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face

If Maria had stayed firm, we would have been spared Christmas.

The difference between weird AI and Weird Al…
…involves multiple capital crimes—depending on the type.

I like that U2 song
About the Revenue agent tracking bootleggers. “ I Haven’t Found The Still I’m Looking For.”

What do you call a grizzly bear in the rain?
A drizzly bear.