Things better not to say - random entries

I get a lot of presents from my next door neighbours, a lovely Italian family called the Ratzi’s. The dads a bit annoying though
Papa Ratzi.

I want to go into the cannabis industry with a buddy.
We’ll start a joint venture.

What do Canadians wear on their feet on a snowy day?
A boot

Why can’t chess players ever have a one night stand?
Because they always start with 2 knights in a row

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?”
“Are you nuts?!” – she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” – he asks again. “Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?” So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. “Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?” She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.” So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?” “Nah”, he replies. “Costs too much…”

What would happen if all Women disappeared from the world?
That would eventually be a Pain in the Ass.

Was it more fun in than out?

You should totally check out my diary
y-y-y-y-a

My friend is so far-right
He is about to fall off the edge of the flat earth

I ordered all the necessary books for this year before the first day of school.

What’s red and white and travels in a circle at 1,000 RPMs?
A baby in a blender

Going rate
A freshly ordained, young priest gets his first assignment: filling in for and old reverend who gets a new hip. To help his young colleage, the old priest has a list of sins with the appropiate pennance in Our Fathers and Hail Maries tacked to the inner wall of the confession boot. At one of the first confessions, a young girl tells the priest she gave her boyfriend a blowjob. The priest goes over the list "blowjob..., blowjob" but he cannot find it. "just a moment" he tells the girl, he leaves the boot and notices an altar boy Priest: "son, what does the Reverend usually give for a blowjob?" Altar boy: "that varies, usually an appel, but sometimes a chocolate bar or 5 bucks"

Friends
I went to having hella friends to literally having 1… like deadass 1 friend.