Hush

Things better not to say - random entries

... while Driving ...

Sorry, but I HAVE to paint my nails now! Don`t worry, I can drive and paint.

... Jokes ...

everyday I pray to god and everyday all my prayers are answered
Then why dont you pray to win the lottery? Cuz god wouldnt like that. Then what do you pray for? The strong to overpower the weak.

... at Hospital ...

Honestly... if I can find the chef or person responsible for this - as you call it - food, you`ll soon have a new patient!

... Jokes ...

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"

... Jokes ...

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep.
Not like all the screaming passengers in his school bus.

... on Valentines day ...

You know, I`ve had a busy day, come to your house, don`t get any flowers or chocolate, then I can make your dinner and last but not least clean the toilet. Now say something!

Mau?

... Jokes ...

Two fetuses sit in their moms uterus.
One of them wears a scarf, hat and gloves. His twin asks him why he’s dressed like that. He answers: “l don’t want to catch a cold like the guy with the red nose who pops in here all the time with all that snot!”

... Jokes ...

What does baby Yoda wear?
He wears a ... Babygrow-gu

... Jokes ...

What relation is a doorstep to a doormat?
A step-farther.

... to your Parents ...

- Mom, is Easter Bunny a profession?
- I was about to say no, but these days YouTubers and influencers are considered job titles, so what do I know.

... Jokes ...

Why did the shed not break down?
Because it was washed away by the pipe

... Jokes ...

What’s got twelve legs, six giant hands, and a big protective helmet?
The infield!

... Jokes ...

What do you call wheelchair football?
rocket league