Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...When a Woman Complained to Her Grocer...
about a high priced jar of pickles, she was told that the reason was because of the pickle juice.
Dill water runs steep.
I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year
Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed
the rowing team got suspended from a race
It was mocking a student who had a stroke
A Catholic priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
What do you call a deceased Jack Kerouac follower?
Dead beat. (Snap snap snap)
Putin and two Russian generals are sitting in the Russian presidential aircraft
Putin gets bored and suggests to play a game to kill some time.
Each of them will throw something from the plane and later they will go to check what happened on the ground.
The first general pulls a Zippo lighter from his pocket, throws it out the window and says "someone will cry because of this"
The second general asks one of the soldiers for his Kalashnikov, throws it out the window and says "someone will be crushed by this"
Putin opens a cabinet next to his seat, pulls out a hand grenade, throws it out the window and says "Someone will be blown away by this"
Some time later, they get off the plane and and next to them they see a girl crying, so they ask her what happened?
"A lighter fell on my head from the sky and it really hurts!" she answers
They continue walking and see a boy crying, so they ask him what happened?
"A gun fell on dad from the sky and he died!" answers the kid
Feeling a bit uncomfortable they move on and then they see a boy lauughing his head off, so they ask him what happened.
The boy answers them:
"I farted and the whole house exploded!"
... at a Date ...Do you fancy fishing? I would like to throw my bait in your pond.
What is difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.
... during Sex ...You`re getting prettier every day and you already look like next week!
How do you teach a kid to play bloody ball properly?
You say "Cast away wilson"