Things better not to say - random entries
... during Sex ...
... at a Date ...I hope you`re knowledgeable about CPR, `cause you`re making me gasp.
... Jokes ...Did you hear about the time that Lars Ulrich played a minister on Sesame Street?
He was the Pastor of Muppets.
What animal walks on 3 legs and are a well liked dish while hot but also don’t make you feel hot?
A dog with a water bottle
Wedding Beginnings vs. Endings
As a wedding nears its conclusion, the officiant asks the audience if any among them object to the marriage by asking that they speak now, or forever hold their peace.
The lesser known counterpart to this is when, prior to the wedding’s start, the officiant verifies that nobody needs to use the restroom beforehand by asking that they speak now, or forever hold their piss.
Be careful what you buy on eBay!
If you buy stuff online, check out the seller carefully.
A friend had spent $95, plus postage, on a penis enlarger.
Bastards sent him a magnifying glass.
The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."
A family of jelly beans were arguing with their photographer because he gave them a black and white photo
But the photographer disagreed , ‘I doubt if you really want to show your true colors in the family photo!’
My girl took a pregnancy test on Easter
Thankfully she didn’t have any eggs.
Why does Amazon still use human labour.
Because you can’t refuse to pay a maintenance contract if the robot fucks up.
What meat is in short supply at the cannibal doopity doo restaurant?
Oompa loompa
... at a upscale establishment ...I like you, you remind me of me - when I was young and stupid!