Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A Texan, Mississippian, a Connecticuter, and a Nevadan walk into an auditorium.
The announcer asked everyone “Can you donate a small amount to fund education?”
The Texan asks “What is small?”
The Mississippian asks “What is education?”
The Connecticuter asks “What is fund?”
The Nevadan asks “What is donation?”
The announcer walks off the stage.
Have you lived here all your life?
asked a salesman of a lean, lantern-jawed Tennessee mountaineer who stood idly leaning against a rail fence.
The mountaineer shifted his weight from one foot to the other and replied, "Not yit."
​
Source: 1913 newspaper
What do you call a robot crab that has fallen into disrepair?
A rustacean.
... during Sex ...Sex is healthy and prolongs life. Come here and make me immortal.
A homeless man was asking me for the £20 note in my pocket, I thought to myself, do I really want this money to be spent on drugs?
The answer was no so I gave him the twenty
"My dear Holmes, which kind of school catholic priests like the most?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson."
i was in Jerusalem for a holiday
Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.
From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a female barista could be found.
Perplexed by this, i finally asked the Jewish barista at the starbucks at the airport when i was about to leave. He thought about it for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said simply,
Hebrews.
What’s the difference between 365 used condoms and a tire
Ones a goodyear. The others a great year