Things better not to say - random entries

What is a pickle’s favorite instrument?
A cucu-lele.

Why was 10 afraid?
He was in the middle of 9/11

Take a spoon of horse manure twice a day.
Patient: Doctor, can you give me anything to help with my halitosis? Doctor: Take a spoon of horse manure twice a day. Patient: Will that cure it? Doctor: No, but it will take the edge off the smell.

Don’t ever tug on a man’s hairpiece..
There will be hell toupee!

I remember my first time at a glory hole, I started to put my balls through the hole and the guy next to me started laughing.
How was I supposed to know?

Confucius say:
Man with severe premature ejaculation may cum in handy

Luc Besson was making indie films at the age of 16
Look up "Luc Besson 16 years old" to find out more

A man walks into a bar with a small man on his shoulder
He slaps down 5 $100 dollar bills and yells "drinks for everyone". A cheer goes up. The bartender goes up and down the bar filling drinks. The little man jumps off his shoulder and runs up and down the bar kicking over all the drinks. The man shakes his head and slaps down another $500 "drinks for everyone" he says. Once again the bartender pours all the drink. The little man jumps off his shoulders and kicks over all the drinks. The man shakes his head and slaps down another $500 "drinks for everyone" he says. Just a minute buddy, the bartender says, what the hell is going on here. Well the man says, I was walking on the beach and I came across a lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared. He told me that I had three wishes. First I wished for unlimited wealth. As you can see, I have as much money as I could possible want. Second I wished for a beautiful women and she appeared, the most gorgeous women I have ever seen. Third, I wished for a 12" prick and there he is.

The biggest advantage of the iPhone is that women can only make calls as long as the battery lasts.

I’ve been talking to this girl on snapchat named anne, she said she was gonna go shower
I’ve been on delivered for 547 weeks, can’t trust these hoes at all.

What does a candle do when it gets fired?
It has a meltdown

You know when you think about it chicken eggs have accomplished a very big feat
They can get laid without a cock

My friends set me up on a blind date.
I can’t wait to see her guide dog!