Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
... to your Girlfriend ...Married women are rarely kidnapped because no one is sure the ransom will ever be paid.
My boss got mad and fired me today for an April Fools joke…
He’s also getting a divorce.
Guilty Doctor
Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while, he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice that said, “Dave, don’t worry about it. You’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go.”
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering “Dave, you’re a vet…”
Why did the smartphone break up with his girlfriend?
Because he found someone charger!
... at a Date ...How does a normal dog barks?
How does a normal dog barks?
“Woof woof”
How does a British dog barks?
“Woof woof, innit”
What kind of doctor should you not visit?
The one who says “see ya” before you are about to leave the doctor’s room..
What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?
EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
(Shamelessly reposting my all time top joke on my cake day)
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
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An old man was scattered on the sidewalk and accidentally fell into the river beside the road, shouting for help! The two policemen heard it, turned a blind eye, and continued to talk and laugh as they walked. The old man became anxious and shouted "Down with Brezhnev"! When the two policemen heard this, they jumped into the river and dragged the old man ashore to handcuff him.
I have a joke about pizza
You wouldn’t like it though, it’s too cheesy