Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A mom tells her young son to use a condom when doing the deed.
The son replies, “Mom, I’m only 15!”
The mom then says, “And I’m 30.”
Apple TV is making a movie about Tetris
but the script took forever to complete
everytime they finished a line, it disappeared
A man is on his deathbed.
Long
A man is on his deathbed. He has three friends who come and visit him, being a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer. He tells them, “I know you can’t take it with you. But I want to try. I’m giving you each $10,000 cash. When you come up to my coffin to pay your respects I want you to take the $10,000 and shove it in the coffin with me.“
The man passes and the three men pay their respects. Afterwards, they are all talking. The doctor says “I know it’s medically impossible, but I have to admit I put $9000 in the coffin and kept $1000 for myself.”
The engineer then chimes in. “I did all the calculations and realize it’s impossible also. But I have to admit I put $5000 in and left $5000 for myself.”
The lawyer looks at them both with disgust. “I’m disappointed in both of you. This was his last wish and neither of you held up your end. I wrote him a check for the entire amount.“
... Sayings ...Why did the producers of The Amazing Spiderman serve Italian food on set and only film 6 days of the week?
Because Andrew Garfield likes lasagna and hates Mondays.
If you think drinking a detox tea is gonna detox your body,
make sure it has EDTA in it
"God Save the Queen" seems an ill-fitting anthem following the coronation of King Charles III
The obvious choice for the replacement is the "Charles in Charge" theme song.
So Cleopatra turns to Marc Antony and says…
“Not tonight, dear, I’m on my pyramid.”
Why did the chicken cross the road with a secret document?
Who needs to know?