Things better not to say - random entries

I gave my Girlfriend an orgasm once…
…and she spat it back in my face!!!

How does a women control her liqour?
She holds him by the ears

Whenever the atheist goes to the bathroom
He pees but never popes

Have you guys heard the joke about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field

A string of fires has reportedly broken out at multiple Nike factories
Emergency Crews are combing through the distressing scenes, but so far reports say that as many as 5,000 soles have been lost.

My right right seat is free, I wish it stays that way.

A Chinese man walks into an American currency exchange...
...and trades 1000 yuan for $150. Two weeks later, he goes back, and the same clerk gives him only $140. He asks, "Why did you give me less this time?" The clerk shrugs, and says, "Fluctuations". The man replies, "Well, fluck you Americans too!" and storms out

The US got knocked out in the World Cup on day 13!!!
Its their fastest exit from the middle east!!!

Why do basketball players struggle to get women pregnant?
Because they dribble so much before they shoot.

To all the Europeans suffering from the current heat wave, here is a reminder to stay strong.
Your ancestors colonized entire countries in much higher temperatures.

Two junkies are crawling on rails
One tells the other: "Dude, this ladder is so fucking long!" He replies: "Bro, chill, I see the elevator going."

Why was the murderer arrested at the party?
He brought some body with him.