Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Two junkies are crawling on rails
One tells the other: "Dude, this ladder is so fucking long!"
He replies: "Bro, chill, I see the elevator going."
I had an uncle once who made zippers from 8pm to 5am.
It was a fly by night operation.
If closing your eyes and counting to one is how long eternity feels like, dads have missed on a great opportunity.
Gwen the pizza arrives, just say, “This took more than an eternity to get here!”
Why do so many Kiwis move to Australia?
To improve the gene pool of both countries
Jesus was a carpenter, but not a very good one.
I mean, how do you get your hands nailed into some wood?
I had a one night stand with a girl who had a shell tattooed on her inner thigh.
If you put your ear to it you could smell the sea.
Why do trans women go by she/her?
Because if they went by her/she they’d be a chocolate.
The feud between the two clothing stores down the street finally came to an end.
​
It ended in a tie.
Did you hear about the Park Ranger with a bad stutter who side-gigged as a Ska musician?
If he saw you litter he would yell at you to "Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!"
What happens when you cross Santa Claus with five shots of tequila?
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.