Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...how are a criminal and a guy who’s having sex with a clock similar?
they are both doing time.
Thomas Hobbes was misquoted.
Whatsoever therefore is consequent to a time of war, where every man is enemy to every man, the same consequent to the time wherein men live without other security than what their own strength and their own invention shall furnish them withal. In such condition there is no place for industry... no knowledge of the face of the earth; no account of time; no arts; no letters; no society; and which is worst of all, continual fear, and danger of violent death; and the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, British, and short.
R/AmITheAsshole in a nutshell
I’m a farther of six wonderful children including my daughter Angelica, she’s currently with her mother because she’s “leaving me. I honestly don’t care if her mother takes her to be honest I mean what’s a…” Yurism” yeah we’re going to discuss this when she comes back home…I knew we should’ve just had one kid. Anyways before you judge please hear my story . Me, let’s call Alexander.Ham M40 had an “affair” if you can even call it that, it was just a small year-long affair whilst my wife was gone… I was in a really dark place I needed to blow off steam. I had to write a lot of papers and my son was born an Aries so I was under enough pressure. My wife went on this vacation with her sister and I met this young woman who was BANGING, I mean if you saw her oh boy… Anyways I banged her, and she said something like “ You know I have a husband and daughter right?” I, admittedly forgot that she had a family but we sorted it out… I payed her husband and I got to bang her. Six years later my enemy Thomas blackmailed me accusing me of Embezzlement and, obviously I wasn’t gonna let this sully my good name so I told everyone about my entanglement. My wife was kinda being a bitch about it she was like “ I’m divorcing you, and that was my cousin” AFTER she put my letters and ring in the fireplace( ngl overreacted) now she’s threatening to “take all our children” and she’s “staying with her sisters”. I mean it was six years ago and I got it sorted out so I think my wife is kinda being a bitch but idk, Am I the Asshole?
What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
Answer: The taste.
Italian men
Why don’t Italian men eat flies?
They can’t get their little legs open wide enough..
Will smith used to be so full of life and fun
now he just seems *jaded*
What are Paul Reubens favorite baseball teams
The Yankees and the Expos
Me as a server in a restaurant: "Do you wanna box for the rest of this food?"
Guest says yes, so I start to put on my gloves
I need a joke for an incredibly facetious uncle’s funeral - nothing would’ve made him happier than an inappropriate joke. I was thinking 782 or 9822.
But the real joke is always in the comments - please r/Jokes, do your thing! Help me out please