Things better not to say - random entries

I never thought PT could fix my posture
But I stand corrected

My friend lost both his jobs today
He was a driver for Amazon but also moonlighted as a stand up comedian. They both fired him for thr same reason too. They said he needed to work on his delivery.

What do you call a giant psychic who manipulates the stock market.
A tall medium who shorts.

Why did the one salad take a picture of the other salad?
Because the salad was dressing

What is the name of the Shire that Gollum is from in Lord of the Rings?
The Worcestershire

Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.

A blind man is walking down the street and comes across a fish market…
He then says “good morning ladies!”

i love how the Earth rotates on its axis
it really makes my day.

The Olive Garden should sponsor The Fast and Furious franchise.
Because when you are there, you are Family.

After years of getting nothing from my garden, I finally got my dildo patch to produce!
But now I have a problem with squatters.

Did you hear that uno, dos, and cuatro are missing?
They vanished without a tres.

A recent long term study finds plants are sentient.
Checkmate, vegans.

It was my birthday yesterday, and I received $500 from all the cards I opened.
I really love working in a post office.