Things better not to say - random entries

Upon realising that he was losing an argument, the flat earther...
started grasping at strawmen.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt!

[nsfw] I used a nice piece of silk neckwear to bind the wrists of both my wife and my girlfriend.
It was a three-way tie.

BREAKING NEWS: Suicide rates down by 50% this year
Finally some good noose.

Drinking is a vice - but a beautiful one.

Real situation happened to a work friend:
We paid for our dog “Chunky” to spend a few days at the kennels. But she spent less time there than expected so they had to refund some cash. It is a Husband and Wife team that run the kennels. My family (last) name is Maidens. So the husband refunded the cash in a transfer. The wife lost the plot when going through the bank statement and there was a payment to “Chunky Maidens”.

Genesis is sponsoring a golf tournament at the Riviera this week…
The difference between a golf ball and a Hyundai is that Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 300 yds without hitting a tree.

I started to consider how to make ‘Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs’ a reality.
But it was just a Meateor Theory.

The one thing I hate about superhero movies is how unrealistic they are,
Like what are the chances that a billionaire would do anything to help ordinary people?

Why did Noah have so much difficulty fishing on the ark?
He only brought two worms.

What did the man with leprosy say to the prostitute?
Just keep the tip

Why do priests always go for little boys ?
Because they cant get nun Rofl

Married women are rarely kidnapped because no one is sure the ransom will ever be paid.