Things better not to say - random entries

There was a murder in the chicken coop
Authorities suspect fowl play.

You`re still here! Why aren`t you already in my bed?

One “Oh shit” can erase a thousand
“Attaboys.”

What kind of gloves do you wear to mince garlic?
Garlic gloves

Why do lesbians use academy (the sports equipment place)
Because they don’t like dicks

Cancers are like women
Both go away after weakening you

Day 1 of posting unfunny jokes.
I didn’t count yesterdays because it just wasn’t funny.

Am I right or am I right
Adoption is just legal kidnapping

Babies
There’s a woman in America having a baby every 27 seconds…My god, someone has to stop her!

What did the windmill say to the windmill it looks up to?
I’m a big fan.

Redneck
Having grown up in a small Alabama town, my friend James couldn’t wait to tell us all about life in California, where he was stationed. "The malls are massive, and the restaurants are great," he said. Then he grinned. "I even went to a topless bar." "Really?" said his mother, surprised. "What do they do if it starts to rain?"

If osama bin Laden had built the world trade centre
Felt cute might delete later

my friend told me I always focus on the least exciting parts while telling a story
I was so surprised by his words I almost took a wrong turn and screwed up our escape from the police