Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...If God wanted us to be vegetarians…
Why did he make the animals out of meat?
... at a Club ...Once there was a man who told his friend he was traveling across the world.
Once there was a man who told his friend he was traveling across the world.
“That’s incredible,” the friend said. “I see you’ve taken your guide dog.”
“Indeed,” the man said. “I’m traveling a few miles, so he needs to guide me.”
“A few miles?” his friend asked. “Is that really across the world?”
“Going in the right direction, it would be thousands of kilometers,” the man said. “I’m taking a shortcut.”
“Then why do you want to travel across the world?” his friend asked.
“I have an ancestor I want to emulate by bringing joy to everyone along my path,” the man said. “On that note, I have a gift for you.”
How do you tell the difference between and Englishman and a Scotsman?
One says, "hey you, get off of my cloud," the other says "hey Macleod, get off of my EWE!"
Just mixed up the words ‘jacuzzi’ and ‘yakuza’.
Found myself in hot water with a Japanese gang!
What do you call a music group full of feminists who like to paint themselves head to toe and and bang on pipes?
The Boo Men Group
My next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line…
I nearly sh*t her pants…
What do you call a cruise ship where the crew won’t stop masturbating in front of passengers?
A tugboat
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away…
I grew a whole damn orchard and still can’t get rid of these medical bills
Food Fight
My buddy invited me to a fight, turns out it was a food fight..…. Guess i should of known when the announcer started it off by saying “let’s get ready to gumbooooo”
Batman & Robin
Robin: Batman, we have a big problem! I can`t get the batmobile to start!
Batman: Maybe it has a dead battery.
Robin: What`s a, "Tery?"