Things better not to say - random entries

Boss: "Hurry up, we still have a lot to do today!"
Me: "Ghihi, you said foreskins"

I’d tell you a story about my girlfriend and I taking down our Christmas tree
But it’s pretty sappy

I visited the wailing wall the other day...
standing there like an idiot with my harpoon.

You`ve told me that five times now...

Little Timmy goes to chernobyl
He sees a butterfly and asks "Mr butterfly, is this chernobyl?" The butterfly replies "Yes."

One time I shot a bar of soap.
The bullet went clean through.

How do blind people know when to open their parachute?
When the leash goes slack.

Anybody caught breaking the rule...
**Anybody caught breaking the rule will be fined.** **On the first day of university the Dean is addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules.** **“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory for the female students.** **Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”** **He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time, will cost you $180. Are there any questions?** **”At this point, a male student in the crowd asked, “How much for a season ticket?”**

Why did the cop shoot a ginger?
Because he was dyslexic.

Do you ever feel alone?
As if noone cares about who you are? What you do? That you are irrelevant for everyone and noone wants to so much as know about you? >!Then I suggest not filing your taxes this year.!<

You know why Mary and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem for that census?
Because he never entered her as his wife.

Why are musicians alcoholics?
They go from bar to bar

Umm. Why did the Rooster cross the road
To get to his chick