Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A man is very ill and lying in a hospital bed
The hospital calls the family to the ward
The Father calls his eldest son Rob and says “you know the houses I have in Chiswick, 20 of them are yours.”
The son replies, “thank you so much, Father.”
The Father then calls his youngest son Harry and says. “You know the houses I have in Windsor they are yours, all 35 of them.”
The son replies, ” thank you so much, Father.”
Then he calls his daughter and says . “Stephanie you know the houses I have in Fulham, they are yours all 45 Of them.”
The daughter replied, ” thank you, Father.”
The nurse sitting in the room turns to the wife and says, “your husband must be a very wealthy man!”
The wife turns around and says, “no he most definitely is not. He is a window cleaner!”
2 guys have 4 cigarettes on a boat but nothing to light them with so they throw one cigarette overboard
And the boat becomes a cigarette lighter
How was the suspense movie able to bend the viewer’s chairs?
Through the scene’s shear tension
My vegan girlfriend left me. The other day I bit into a vegan sandwich and cried.
Not because I missed them, but because it was vegan.
... to your Boyfriend ...I can`t understand you, my phone is broken!
Then pull it out of there!
The guy has a birthday
His girlfriend decides to give him her virginity as a birthday present.
She enters the room completely naked, with a cute ribbon bow right on her pussy and says "Here is your birthday gift!"
"All right", he says with a sigh and folds his sleeve to the elbow. "How deep is it?"
What do you call it when all the characters in Mario have an orgy?
Super Smash Bros
... to your Girlfriend ...What’s worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding your wife in a car park getting gangbanged by five dutch lorry drivers