Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A mom and her daughter are riding in the car together…
The mom asks her daughter: “Honey your birthday is coming up, what do you want?”
The daughter replies, “ I want a Barbie and GI Joe!”
“But honey, Barbie comes with a Ken doll.” the mom replies.
The daughter quickly responds: “That’s not true mom, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she comes with GI Joe!”
A guy loses his penis in an accident.
He asks the doctor if there’s any hope of reconstruction. The doctor says “Sure. There have been a lot of medical advancements lately, but it’s not cheap.”
“How much does it cost?” asked the man.
“About $1,000 an inch. You should probably discuss this with your wife and let me know what you decide.”
A week later, the man is back at the doctor’s office.
“Well?” the doctor asks. “Did you talk to your wife?”
“Yes” the man says glumly.
“What did she say?” the doctor asks.
The man replies “She says she wants granite countertops.”
It took Netflix many episodes and millions of dollars to prove that "love is blind".
It took the porn industry only a couple of minutes of grainy video and a well positioned hole in the wall to do the same.
On a scale of zero to infinity, how can you tell a joke in this sub is original?
It’ll be the zero.
Patriotic Grizzlies
A documentary crew was following two grizzly bears through their lives in Yellowstone park. The bears faced the normal struggles to survive the harsh seasons in Yellowstone, but one day the camera crew captured them in their greatest struggle to date… when they were viciously attacked by a large pack of wild wolves. The bears roared and fought, but with greater numbers the savvy wolves attacked from behind and latched on to the hind legs of both bears, eventually ripping them off. The wolves though, being bloodied themselves and having had enough of the bears’ violent defense, retreated.
The bears, despite the loss of their hind legs, trudged on. Amazingly they learned to adapt and still catch fish from the streams. The camera crew continued to follow the grizzlies as they slowly dragged themselves around Yellowstone’s great valley in their search for food and survival.
Then, months after the attack of the wolves, the two bears encountered another threat, steel traps left by poachers. The mama grizzly was the first to step into the bear trap. She let out a screeching howl as the trap closed on her left leg. Papa grizzly seeing mama in pain started dragging himself over to help as fast as he could. As he drew near he too caught his left leg in a second bear trap. With an incredible will to survive, both grizzlies chewed off their trapped legs to break free.
Now even more amazingly, the bears continued on, slower than before, with just one front leg each and somehow managed to survive the harsh winter.
Local media caught wind of the story of the grizzlies’ amazing fight for survival. A reporter approached the wounded bears, confident that the one-legged beasts posed little threat. He asked aloud rhetorically “how do you grizzlies keep going through all this?”.
Just then papa grizzly looked up and smiled. “This is America bud. We ain’t quitters. We have a beautiful home, the fish are plenty. We even have the freedom of speech. And perhaps most importantly, we still have our right two bear arms.”
... to a Vegetarian ...I hate vegetarians... why do you have to force your opinion on everyone?
Did you hear about the murderer who kills victims in a circle shape?
He got arrested for 360 degree murder
after my wife found my letters I had to come clean and tell her I was cheating
She said she will never play scrabble with me again
Ebola, covid, and monkeypox walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “What is this, some kinda sick joke?”
I like my women how I like my coffee
Ground into pieces and boiled in water