Things better not to say - random entries

Wife asked her husband “Are you nuts?”
The husband replied “Let’s get nuts!”

The Hitman gets fired!
A very dumb fella wanted to be a Hitman for the Mafia. But he got fired after he failed miserably on his first job! He burned his lips on the tailpipe of the car he was suppose to blow up!

Archimedes once said, "Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move
your mom."

I once dreamt that I was masturbating to pictures of my karate teachers.
Then I came to my senseis.

I once dated a girl just for her internet connection
She was wifi material.

What do call the guy who farts in the corn maze?
>!A crop duster ! !<

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality

A blind man walks into a bar.
Ouch.

A friend of mine practices karate whenever he takes drugs.
I asked him why and he said it gets him "HAI-YAH".

My exceptional memory allows me to memorize a sequence of more than a million numbers
1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

I used to love building sandcastles with my granny...
...but my parents thought it was creepy so they glued the urn shut.

Why do lesbians use academy (the sports equipment place)
Because they don’t like dicks

Jokes about anal are hard to understand.
But you usually get it in the end.