Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...
... Jokes ...Did you hear Timon and Pumbaa caught Simba sucking himself off?
He had to swallow his pride on that one.
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My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much.
I told them, “Just you wait!”
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“I’m the alpha werewolf!”
“That’s not how wolves work Jon, you’re just a dick.”
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My girlfriend did a lie detector test.
"According to the results," said the conductor, "your girlfriend has been unfaithful."
I paused for a moment, then said, "Just how reliable are these results?"
"Extremely," he replied. "She gave me a blowjob in the car park earlier."
... Jokes ...
Told my wife about the ringing in my ears.
She said it’s tinnitus. I told her I’ve heard that before.