Things better not to say - random entries

Where do spirits buy food?
The ghostery store

I don’t know what’s worse… that I found my wife on a sex hook up app
Or that it was on Grindr?

What do you get when you cross Tissue, Lotion and Incognito mode?
The perfect night at home!

I divided two types of the LGBTQ into two sections...
There was the trans-section, and the bi-section.

Do trees poop?
Of course they do. How else would we get #2 pencils?

Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock.

what do you call a police officer with an IQ of 160?
Fired.

Yesterday I discovered my first gray bag hair. But I didn`t freak out like the other people in the elevator.

Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
Because they didn’t have a space program

What did they call Bob the mailman after he was fired?
Bob.

My first football game was just like losing my virginity
I was bloody and bruised but at least my dad came

Where is an exhibitionist’s favorite place to hang out?
The STRIP mall!

The shipwrecked man
A man in a shipwreck ends up on an island. Surprisingly enough there’s plenty to live off of, there are even sheep. As time goes by, day after day, he sees a sheep that he becomes rather fond of, he names it Dolly, and eventually tries to screw it. Every time he gets close to it, it runs away and he can’t hold on to it. This happens for a while as he tries everyday. One day, he’s walking along the shoreline where he sees a hurt woman who came from another shipwreck, so he got her to his camp and nursed her back to health. After she’s all better, she says to him, you saved my life, I’ll do anything for you. He smiles and says, I’ve been so lonely on this island and have needs and urges. She smiled knowing what he meant. She said what do you wish me to do? He got a big grin and said, can you please hold Dolly for me.