Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What’s the difference between a hippie and a Muslim girl?
The hippie gets stoned before sex, and the Muslim girl after.
Twenty years ago, my friend made a website where you compare getting high from different drugs.
It was the original trip advisor.
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you”
She answers, ” My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that – you have to be single and you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK,” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Steve and I’m going to a Halloween party!”
Dirty Pig
Customer is disgusted when she sees a baker crimping a pie with his false teeth.
“Have you now got a tool for that job, you filthy pig”
“Yes, I use that for the doughnuts!!
rrRRRRRRrr
What did the fat, bearded guy in the lifted truck at the Walmart parking lot do when he turned into a frog?
REV IT, REV IT!!
I meet a bishop at Good Friday mass today, but I’m a little suspicious.
He wasn’t moving diagonally.
Dating in my 30’s is like being a Chinese weather balloon.
I’m the size of three busses and I just keep getting shot down.
A man approaches an ancient temple seeking enlightenment
He hails the monk guarding the gate, "I have come to seek enlightenment for I know nothing"
The monk perks up, "Greetings, what is your name traveler?"
The man smiles, "I am Steve"
The monk laughs, "Lying so soon?"
After all this time, I still haven’t tested positive for Covid…
…wouldn’t it be funny if it was just because I wasn’t sticking the swab far enough into my ear?
the wise masters wisdom
As a young adventurer I visited the Himalayas and I heard of a long and beautiful hike at the end of which I could meet a wise master. The journey was as rewarding as it was a challenge, and at the end I found a little old man with a long beard and a handmade cane in a cave. I waved to him, and he beckoned for me to come.
"I am the wise master." He said. "If you ask me for my wisdom, I will hit you with this stick. If you do not ask me for my wisdom, I will hit you with this stick."
I thought about this for a moment. "Well, wise Master. I hiked all this way, and either way you will hit me with the stick - so I might as well learn your wisdom."
Wise master smiled, took the stick, and gave me a hard whap on the head.
"The answer is to take the stick away, idiot." He said. "That is my wisdom, go away."
What’s the difference between Covid and Southwest Airlines?
One of them is airborne