Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Hot Shot CEO
A new company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid he company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - and how much money do you make a week? Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, I make $200.00 a week. Why? The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams – here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back! Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here? With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters - That was the Pizza delivery guy.
Before moving to England I spent some time in Poland...
It definitely helped me polish my English.
My first bike
When I was a kid, my first bike was stolen on my birthday. I still remember the other kid crying when I stole it from him.
Yo momma so fat
When she goes to the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her
... to the Police ...My Lawyer gave me great advice
He always said I should never apologise if it’s not my fault because I could be admitting liability and landed with a big bill.
However his uncle died recently and I sent him a condolence card and my trial starts next week.
Did you hear the one about the vintage penguin?
She was in black and white.
This was before you could declare your pronouns. He looks great in that tux.
Why did the stair contractor get in so many fights?
He kept asking people if they want a step outside.
Layne Staley walks into a bakery…
“What can I get you sir?” asks the woman at the register.
Layne points to a particular pastry and shouts,
“I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED THEM SCONES!!”
A woman asks her husband
“Please go to the store and buy a gallon of milk for me and the baby. Not vodka. Not beer like last time!”
Husband goes to the store.
“What did she want from me?! Vodka? Beer? F-it, I’ll buy both.”
Why do bees stay in their hives in winter?
Swarm.
What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?
Hurry up honey.