Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A strong man, a bearded lady and a trapeze artist walked into a bar.
The midget walked under it.
What’s brown and sticky
A stick
What’s yellow and sticky?
A yellow stick
What’s white and sticky
Cum
A guy loses his penis in an accident.
He asks the doctor if there’s any hope of reconstruction. The doctor says “Sure. There have been a lot of medical advancements lately, but it’s not cheap.”
“How much does it cost?” asked the man.
“About $1,000 an inch. You should probably discuss this with your wife and let me know what you decide.”
A week later, the man is back at the doctor’s office.
“Well?” the doctor asks. “Did you talk to your wife?”
“Yes” the man says glumly.
“What did she say?” the doctor asks.
The man replies “She says she wants granite countertops.”
Algebra reminds me of my past relationships
I mean, have you ever looked at your x and wondered y?
I bought a new deodorant stick today. The instructions said remove the wrapper and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely!
A man was driving down the road when an officer stopped him.
The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”
The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”
“You need to take them to the zoo,” the officer said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!”, the officer said.
“I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach."
I want to die in my sleep like my dad
Not screaming and crying like the passengers on his plane
How did the Nirvana fan catch their kids drinking?
Smelled like teen spirits
i went to an ED convention in the Forrest
There was nothing but softwood.