Things better not to say - random entries
Two strangers were arrested for having sex on a plane
You know who I feel bad for?
The guy in the middle seat.
What’s the difference between Batman and Black Panther?
Batman Returns.
I decided to check my BMI for the first time
The app dialed 911 and requested an ambulance
I’ve recently starred in a porno where I play a Nazi camp officer who has sex with female inmates
Its called “The Swallocaust”
King Charles has authorised a new Royal Ceremony that the Guards regiments will perform anytime that Prince Harry is in the country.
It will be called "The Changing of the Locks"
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(with thanks to Matt, of the Daily Telegraph)
I used to have a weird fetish surrounding my abilities to see, touch, hear, smell and feel
I came to my senses
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs who lies on the floor?
An armless, legless, lying bastard.
I drink beer because I’m too lazy to walk
They say you should walk 10000 steps, the AA only requires 12
A man craved chinese food.
He gets on the phone and calls the closest chinese restaurant, which boasts food deliveries in under 2 minutes.
And indeed, the next minute, it begins raining cats and dogs.
... Jokes ...