Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...I don’t like to brag about the expensive trips I go on…..
….but I went to the gas station today.
I wanted to make a joke about lazy people
But I don’t think it would’ve worked.
Has anyone else noticed this about movie trailers in recent years?
Movie trailers will say a movie is “only in theaters this Thursday” or “Only in theaters June 9th”. Like why only for that day?
RIP Gordon Moore of Intel and “Moore’s Law.”
Although I feel like the number of maggots on his corpse will double every two years.
2 prostitutes standing on a corner.
2 prostitutes standing on the corner and one of them says "we gonna make a lot of money tonight i can smell the dick in the air"...and the second one replied "sorry i burped"
Why have we never heard from aliens?
Because the technology that makes alien contact possible is the same technology that creates social media!
I just found out testicular cancer runs in our family…
Which means even our balls grow a pair!
What’s Your Name, Sailor?
The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him,
-“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”
- “John,” the new seaman replied.
- “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Master Chief.’ Do I make myself clear?”
- “Aye, Aye, Master Chief!”
- “Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”
The seaman sighed.
- “Darling, My name is John Darling, Master Chief.”
- “Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do ….”
... during Sports ...I went to the gym today... and back! You should start small, they said.