Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...FDA released a 30 page report on findings in low fat milk research
Didn’t have the time to read the whole report so I decided to just skim it.
Your mom says she’s gonna ground you
A week later, you tell your mom you’re getting married and your spouse is pregnant too.
You tell her you spent all of your college money on a big house for your new family and got a job at a company.
Your mom asks why you’re doing all this and you say, “you said you were gonna ground me. So I grounded myself and now you won’t have to do it.”
What do you call a geometry teacher who is also an undercover police?
A secret tangent.
I HAVE THE DARKEST JOKE EVER! ITS TOO DARK FOR MOST MINDS! If you can tolerate South Park, you can tolerate my filthy joke!
The worst stoner in America...... Is Bill Cosby!
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# GET IT!???!!!
Why is spit a good vehicle for bacteria and viruses?
Because it’s a transmission fluid.
In charge of scheduling Yoda was
Do you know why the Star Wars movies were written 4,5,6,1,2,3?
My farther told me that when looking for a wife….
…. To find a woman that loves you, a woman that can cook, a woman that you desire and a woman that pleases you sexually.
And the most important piece of advice, never let these 4 women meet.
the president of the USA, a smart blonde and an honest jew are walking down a street, they see a lottery ticket worth 50 million, who picks it up?
No one
Smart blonde and honest jew are mythical creatures, and the President of the USA thought it was a receipt
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence