Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Line in heaven
A woman dies and finds herself in a line to get into heaven. As she nears St Peter she hears him asking people
"Please tell me how much money you made and what you did on earth"
Two people ahead if her she heard "I made 2 million a year and I was a CEO"
The person in front of her said "I made 180 thousand a year and I was an electrician"
When she got there she said "I made 12 thousand a year.. "
St Peter asked "and what instrument did you play?"
A masochist and a sadist meet
The masochist says "Come on, torture me".
The sadist says "NO!"
... to Blondes ...Why did God create blondes? - Well, chickens and rubber dolls can`t get beer out of the fridge!
why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world?
Because everything is inbread
Sunday off
Six girls, one guy, sailing a boat in the open ocean. Tragedy strikes, and the boat slowly starts to sink. None of the girls know how to swim and they desperately beg the guy to save them. The brawny guy indeed saves all of them.
They end up in a desert island, and wonder what they will do with the vast free time that they are given. After a consensual discussion, the girls decide to present the guy the idea that he sleeps with one of them every day. At first, the guy is elated, and thanked whoever taught him to swim as a kid. But time passed, and the guy grew tired. He only had Sunday to himself, and the girls’ appetite was only getting stronger. He had to do something soon!
He decides to go up the mountain, in hopes of seeing someone else on a sinking boat. He thought if it was another guy, they could split the girls, and have three each. The fortune had smiled on our brawny guy. Out there in the ocean, there was another man drowning for he knew not how to swim. He is soon saved by the best swimmer in the island, and when they make it ashore, the guy who was drowning says: “Awww, thank you handsome for saving my life”. “There goes my Sunday off”, says the other guy.
One day at school
Two kids where talking.
Kid one said: “wow the mall is going to be packed today!”
Kid two said: “Yea, Everyone wants to come into the mall!”
Another kid walks up and says: “Yea and no one will be able to stop it.”
After the convo, This one kid named Mall was very scared and started crying and screaming
So my wife walked in on me fucking our daughter
Idk what she was more surprised by, me fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus.
Why was Twitter freaking out about Nelly’s face today?
Nevermind, I realize it was only just a Dream.
... at a Date ...Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing ‘Don’t Stop Believing’.
It was an unexpected Journey.