Things better not to say - random entries

I like my coffee like I like my women.
Brazilian.

Good morning, my name is Kevin.

Last i heard he’s still squeezing buns full of meat.. Who?
The old subway spokesman

Tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork…
Think I nailed it!

Do you mind if I use a voucher to pay for the meal?

Inside every man there are two ancient Greeks
A Spartan warrior and an Athenian femboy

What does St. Nicholas call his suits?
His Santa Clothes. Where does he store his suits? In his Klaus-et.

Asking kids what do they want to grow up to be
meant something entirely different two decades ago.

What do you call a Poltergeist that nuts a lot?
A Ghostbuster.

The first beer quenches your thirst. A second cheers me up. After three I don`t give a damn, so I just keep drinking.

Flower sex is for vegetarians.

I asked my boss, “Can I leave work early today?”
Boss: Only if you make up the time. Me: It’s 49 past 70 o clock. Boss: You’re fired.