Things better not to say - random entries

“Knock, knock…” “who’s there?” “I eat mop.”
“I eat mop-who…” “gross”

What do you call a happy man?
Single

A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam walk into a bar....
Bar tender looks at them and asks, "What is this, a joke?"

Hava Nagila
Have two Nagila Hell, have THREE Nagila, they’re very small and not fattening!

Wife: You only listen to half of what I say.
Husband: I have tinnitus. Half of what I hear is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE The other half is tinnitus note: she begrudgingly laughed at this one and we are still together.

Your mom is so dumb,
She thought the Encyclopedia Brittanica struck an iceberg and sank

My wife always says: “It’s the thought that counts.”
And I agree with her. We also agree that romance makes a marriage stronger. So I thought about buying her flowers and chocolate and taking her to dinner and the opera. I let her know about it. She said something about a lawyer and divorce. Women…

Have you met Meech?
Mi Chorizo. Jajajaja.

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much.
I told them, “Just you wait!”

Did you hear about the guy who had one leg shorter than the other and that caused him to bop his head from side to side?
He was nicknamed The Snipers Nightmare.

Two gay men are eating breakfast one morning
One says to the other “When I die, I want you to cremate me, spread my ashes on your cornflakes and then eat them” “Why?” his partner asks And he replies “So I can slip through your ass crack one more time”

Before 1880, how many people would it require to fix a Lightbulb?
One full Thomas Alva Edison.

If “Blue Lives” are real…
…that would mean they were Assigned Cop At Birth.