Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...If "Gator Aid" had been created in Talahassee instead of Gainesville
Would we all be drinking Seminole Fluid?
... during Sex ...Foreplay during sex is bullshit. I don`t honk my horn for fifteen minutes in front of the garage before I drive in.
Someone called me pretentious today.
I nearly choked on my honey-cardamom latte.
... at Office ...What do you get when you meet a bunch of amicable Hungarian musicians?
A Franz Liszt
A murderer, a clown, a fraudster and a robber walk into a bar
"What can I get you, Mr.President?" asks the bartender
I tried to take up Motorsport, but had to prove my car could run on meat juices
It was for a Stock Car race.
The local dictator...
...ruling for 30 years holds a vote for the Ruler Master Captain every year, but this day, instead of the usual 102% he received only 94% as the result of a giant leaflet campaign. As retribution, the dictator reduced the population to 94% and introduced a new form of rule, "relative democracy", in which he has 3 votes and everyone else has none. Our government, which issued the leaflet campaign, applauds his voting results, now receiving only 66% of the votes. "Democracy has been restored, we can stop with the heavy blows." said the president.
... at Court ...I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the place for it, but I don’t know what is, so does anyone recognise this joke?
So basically, an atheist, a Protestant, a Catholic and an orthodox Christian wake up in Hell and have to read through an entire Bible and can’t shut it else they get tossed into fire or something.
The atheist is really angry and reads a particularly annoying verse and angrily shuts the Bible to begin ranting, before he can he’s tossed into fire.
The Protestant reads their favourite verse and shuts the Bible with a delighted sigh, only to be tossed into the fire again.
The Catholic and the Orthodox keep reading and then an angel comes down or something and frees them.
The Orthodox then points to the book and reads ‘Let there be light’ the joke being that Orthodox read slow.
I remember most of it, but can’t find it anywhere, so does anyone recognise this joke?
Why are men so relaxed after sex?
They’ve completely run out of fucks to give