Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What’s the difference between 365 used condoms and a tire
Ones a goodyear. The others a great year
What do you get when you cross the Senate and a river?
The death of the Roman Republic.
My wife asked me if she looked fat in her new dress.
I told her: "You look like a beautiful shining star"
She replied: "Awhh..."
But then I added: "A neutron star" and she slapped me.
I was hoping she was too dense to understand the joke.
Cranberrys at Christmas
I love cranberry for Christmas. Cran-burying that dick
Poison !!
Police: ma’am how did your husband die?
Wife: poison (hysterically crying)
Police: but he had bruises all over is body
Wife: I know. He didn’t want to take it.
... during Sex ...I gave up sex. If I`m on top, I`m afraid of heights, if I`m at the bottom, I`m claustrophobic, and if I`m on my side, I don`t see anything on TV.
I hate humans soo much...
As a combine harvester, I find it so difficult to put up with these humans. I have to work so much all day and all they do is sit on their ass...Nobody understands me and I feel so numb and tired.
Just needed to let this out here...I am new to reddit so I hope I am posting this in the right sub so that I can get some advice, I hope that this is not taken as a joke or something...
In soccer, if you engage in unsportsmanlike behavior you can get a yellow card.
If you commit a serious foul you can get a red card.
If you never learn to play soccer in the first place and instead take up baseball you can get a green card.
Why do Crips like swimming in the ocean?
Because sharks can smell Blood from far away.
Congratulations to Adele on releasing her new album...
9 and 10 pounds.
[NSFW] I only recognize 25 letters of the alphabet...
I know Y, but fuck U.