Things better not to say - random entries

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was half horse, half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

What’s Osama Bin Laden’s favorite Porsche?
A 911.

I hope you can read because there`s something in my pants.

I don't need "Alexa" or "Siri" or anything. I need a coffee maker that yells at me, "First put a cup under me before you bang your head, you iditor".

What does Winnie the Pooh put on his hot dogs?
Honey mustard

Where do cats keep their lipstick?
In their purrrs.

A weasel walks into a bar. Bartender says “Wow I’ve never served a weasel before what can I get for you?
“Pop” goes the weasel

The king was egged this morning
The Police were scrambled to arrest the perpetrator

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality

I thought a thought, but the thought I thought I thought I thought
was not the thought I thought I thought.

What is the Jewish version of Rock out with your cock out?
Schvitz out with your bits out.

What do you call the opposite of an iPad mini?
A maxipad.

It must be brutal trying to make legitimate phone calls from the headquarters of the Hormel Foods Corporation
Your caller ID would always show up as “Potential SPAM”