Things better not to say - random entries

My dad said that only 73% of all students need math later in life. I belong to the remaining 21%!

Why did the producers of The Amazing Spiderman serve Italian food on set and only film 6 days of the week?
Because Andrew Garfield likes lasagna and hates Mondays.

A teacher to her students,
"Lets talk about associate, or association. It means things that go together. You can associate plants with soil, and birds with trees. Now, can anyone tell me what we can associate with fish? Yes, Tommy?" Tommy: "Chips!" ​ Source: Adapated from a joke in a 1913 newspaper

Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet?
Because the others are Not-Cs

I told my wife she’s lousy in bed;
she went out to get a second opinion.

Did you know the dogs tail isn’t actually bone?
It’s grade A wagyu

My new book about poltergeists...
is literally flying off the shelves.

What do you call a crazy bike lane?
A cyclepath.

What would Cardi B be called if she decided to live a healthy lifestyle ?
Cardi O

a knife says to the fork what are you doing at the gym today
Fork Lifting said the fork

What do you call the fish with no eyes
Pokey

Why did the smashing pumpkins gets kicked out of the flat earth society?
They think the world is a vampire

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breath through that thing?