Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Which one touches the ground faster, a feather or an emo kid?
The feather cuz the emo kid’s attached to a rope…
... at a Date ...Older joke told by my father in-law
One day Cinderella is down and her fairy godmother appears. Noticing she is not happy, she turns to her and says she would cast a spell so she could have a night out on the town, but she must be back by midnight or her pussy would turn into a pumpkin. So time goes by and midnight comes and goes and Cinderella still hasn’t shown up. 130am, 230am go by, and finally at 3am she comes home. The fairy grandmother furiously asks Cinderella where she had been and reminded her that her pussy has turned into a pumpkin because she wasn’t back home by midnight. Cinderella replied “yes, I know and I was on my way home, but then I ran into Peter Peter the pumpkin eater.
A girl I like gave me her phone number
When I called she picked up and said “911 what’s your emergency?”
Did you hear about the man that claims to eat his own poop?
I think he’s full of crap
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate fruit jokes…
… you need to let that mango.
A lady comes home from her doctors appointment grinning from ear to ear
Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old.” “Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?” She said, “Your name never came up in the conversation.”
I needed socks for outdoors winter.
I thought I would need two layers.
So I bought two *pairs...*
​
Read my username.
There was a young man named Antonio.
He had deep, Italian origins, despite living in downtown California. Eventually, his mother got sick and that added on to the debt they already had. The only way Antonio could solve the problem was to make money, so he started a band. He settled on Jamaican-style music with very chill vibes. He made a few friends named Lasagne Del Ray and Orzo Osborne and eventually released an album that hit top 10 in charts worldwide.
Unfortunately, the medication he purchased to save his mother did not work. As she lay on her deathbed, he held her hand and kissed her cheek.
With tears in his eyes, he leant down to speak to his mother for the last time and he said, “I tried to save you, but instead, the entire world knows me as Reggae Toni”.