Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Do you know why cemeteries have fences?
Because everyone is dying to get in.
The horror story of the BAD ROOM!
There was once this house that had what people called a ‘bad room’. People disliked being in there, the people of this house felt uncomfortable even talking about it. People would ask to see the room and the people of the house said ‘please don’t go near the room, but if you do, go with someone else’. For the room had this sort of fatal attraction, they would want to go in. It had a sort of magnetic effect on people, so someone else would always be there to stop them.
Then one young foolish man against all advice said that he would spend the night in this room. People pleaded with him, shouted, argued and screamed at him not to, but he said ‘I will! Just to rid everyone of this superstitious rubbish!’
So he went into the room, and without any human being touch it the door closed behind him.
The people of the house then waited and waited. At 6:00 in the morning they heard the most horrific soul destroying scream. They ran up to the room and opened it, and there was nothing there at all. No sign of the young man anywhere. Nothing except a pungent smell of animal and brimstone, and curiously... just one shoe.
The story was printed in the papers and broadcast on the news and it soon reached the ears of one of the great Jesuit priests, an exorcist. He said that he would exorcise this evil presence in the room. The people of the house pleaded, saying they did not want anymore trouble, but the priest insisted and they agreed.
However he said that ‘if anything should happen to me in that room, if the pattern repeats again and I disappear and all that is left is my shoe. I will write the secret of this room on my shoe, look to my shoe for the answer to the evil presence.’
So he arrived and entered the room and the door once again closed behind him. The people of the house lit a fire downstairs and waited. The grandfather clock slowly ticked away the time. They could hear the priest praying upstairs and could even smell the incense.
Then at 4:30 in the morning they looked at the dog who was asleep by the fire as he started to growl, and as they looked the hair on his back slowly began to rise, and he let out the most harrowing of hound like howls.
Then they heard the scream from the upstairs room! They all ran up the stairs with lights, crosses, crucifixes and holy water and opened the door!
But there was nothing, except that pungent smell, and the shoe!
They ran to the shoe, picked it up and turned it over and burnt into the sole of the shoe were just two words... ‘SIZE 9’.
... to your Girlfriend ...Would you please stop talking... I`m trying to watch the game!
Most females will not answer FaceTime calls after 9:00pm
Why?
because their face has been restored to factory settings.
... to Officials ...Two officers sit together in the office. "What do you think if we buy an aquarium?"
"Don`t you think that brings too much hectic into the office?"
big and slow
I like my women like I like my updates, big and slow. better if they come overnight.
... to the Police ...Size of matter in descending order.
Molecule > Atom > Proton > Quark > x on a mobile ad
What do you call an alcoholic grape beverage served in a beer mug?
A Winestein.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
What’s the difference between Benedict Arnold and Donald Trump?
Benedict Arnold once fought for America.