Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...a guy walks into his office and asks for a raise...
His boss says, ‘what about the raise, plus a company car, a reduction in office hours and 14 more days holiday per year?’
The man is overjoyed and says ‘wow, that’s great, you must be joking!’
The boss replies, ‘I am but you started it’
An elderly couple was sitting at the breakfast table when...
when the old woman says “my nipples feel hot today like they did 60 years ago!" Her husband replied “they should be hot, one is in your coffee and the other one is in your oatmeal”
I was at the zoo and a South American animal spit at someone!
Llama ass off!
... to Blondes ...What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? – You release the safety and throw it back.
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.
Did you hear that Selena Kyle put on 150 pounds?
She went from Catwoman to Kit-Kat woman.
A women pregnant with triplets gets caught in the middle of a shootout
And is shot three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to hospital and the doctors check her out. They tell her that each of the bullets has hit one of the babies but in a way that they will survive with no permanent damage. After the babies are born the women decides not to tell her three children about what has happened in case it scares them until one day years later one of her daughters comes to her crying and says mom I went to the toilet and a bullet came out. The mom says it’s ok and tells her the story of how she was shot but says don’t tell your brother and sister. About a year later the other sister comes to her mum crying and tells her a bullet came out when she went to the toilet so the mom sits her down and explains the story to her too. A couple of years later her son walks out to her crying and the mom says sit down son it’s ok I assume you went to the toilet and a bullet came out. The son looks up at her and says no mom I was having a wank and I shot the dog.
Why is it Called the Wonderbra?
Because when you take it off, you wonder where the tits went.
Asking kids what they want for dinner
Girl-Grilled cheese
Boy-boy cheese
What is the difference between Santa and a Jew
Santa goes down the chimney