Things better not to say - random entries

This guy was finishing his dinner at a restaurant...
...and the waiter said "How did you find your steak sir?" The guy said "By accident. I moved my baked potato and there it was."

I like my women like I like my r/jokes jokes.
The same one over and over and over again.

I accidentally swallowed a clock
It was very time consuming.

Whoever sows hops will reap beer. – Wolf Dietrich

Chuck Norris had cancer
The cancer died from Chuck Norris.

The one thing I hate about superhero movies is how unrealistic they are,
Like what are the chances that a billionaire would do anything to help ordinary people?

tell me you are stupid without telling me you are stupid
I am stupid

I walked into a pub with my wife. The Landlord said “Would you like a beer for your wife?”
I said: “That sounds like a fair swap.

Melinda: So what will you name this tech company?
Bill: How am I bed? Melinda: Say no more..

A man was seeking wisdom from a tribal elder...
The Elder told him to cut down a tree, strip it of all limbs, and plant it in front of the sacred grounds. The man did this and went back to the Elder. The Elder said, now remove it, cut down a taller tree and repeat the process. The man did this again, and the Elder told him a third time to repeat the process. By this time the man was tired and angry and asked "Why do you make me do this over and over?" And the wise man said, Reddit likes reposts.

what do you call it when your french friend copies you
co-pierre

I like to think I’m a pretty good man. I give over 50% of my paycheck to Charity.
But when she’s not working I give it to Destiny.

What type of work was the psycho looking for?
A hatchet job.