Things better not to say - random entries

what do pieces of shit use for boob jobs?
silicorn.

Two strangers were arrested for having sex on a plane
You know who I feel bad for? The guy in the middle seat.

Once I was almost in love with a psychic
She left me before we met.

What’s the difference between Batman and Black Panther?
Batman Returns.

I decided to check my BMI for the first time
The app dialed 911 and requested an ambulance

I was going to make a joke
But FIFA already made the World Cup…

What does a vegan cannibal eat?
Vegetables

I’ve recently starred in a porno where I play a Nazi camp officer who has sex with female inmates
Its called “The Swallocaust”

King Charles has authorised a new Royal Ceremony that the Guards regiments will perform anytime that Prince Harry is in the country.
It will be called "The Changing of the Locks" ​ (with thanks to Matt, of the Daily Telegraph)

I used to have a weird fetish surrounding my abilities to see, touch, hear, smell and feel
I came to my senses

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs who lies on the floor?
An armless, legless, lying bastard.

I drink beer because I’m too lazy to walk
They say you should walk 10000 steps, the AA only requires 12

A man craved chinese food.
He gets on the phone and calls the closest chinese restaurant, which boasts food deliveries in under 2 minutes. And indeed, the next minute, it begins raining cats and dogs.