Things better not to say - random entries

What do you get if you paint a pink pig mint-green?
A pigmint of your imagination.

Two flies are sitting on a huge pile of cow shit
One of the flies lifts a leg and let's make the loudest fart. The other fly stops, looks up and says "Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here!!"

Where my liver used to be, there is now a minibar!

Concerned about our loss of bees, Morgan Freeman converted his 124-acre Mississippi ranch into a bee refuge. Upon asking why he did it. he replied:
Beecause

Whats the difference between a politician and a hooker?
A hooker will stop fucking you once you run out of money.

I was cold called in chemistry and asked about Heisenberg
I told the professor I was uncertain, and he just said “yes”

"You know why I stopped you?" - "Yes, because Batman and Robin hunt the right criminals."

I got a new garbage can.
But now, I can’t get rid of my old one.

No one prepared me for how many times I would hear “guess what” as a parent.
And as a child of the 80s, EVERY SINGLE TIME I have to try not to answer “chicken butt”…

What is blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.

I only read the newspaper Monday-Saturday.
There is no post on Sundays.

What kind of gloves do you wear to mince garlic?
Garlic gloves

I did some work for a Chinese South African
When I gave him the invoice he said bil tong