Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...Dog names
Actual dog names:
Luke short for Lucca Brassi - mastiff
Max short for Maxwell Rockatansky - Malinois
Snake short for Snake Plissken - Husky
When I was 13, I was traumatized by a priest.
The asshole was cheating on me.
I’ll see you on Tuesday!
There was this teacher who taught 5th grade History at a little school in little suburbia. Every Friday at the end of class, she would speak a famous quote and ask the class with “Who said that?” Whoever the first student who answered correctly was told they could skip class on Monday.
There was a very smart Mexican girl named Esmerelda. She was the smartest girl in the class and always was the one who answered correctly. However, she NEVER took advantage of skipping class the following Monday. She enjoyed feeling superior to her fellow students and loved being the teacher’s pet. This really annoyed a boy named Billy.
So, Friday rolls around again and at the end of class the Teacher say, “Alright class. ‘It’s a small step for man. A giant leap for mankind.’ Who said that?”
Esmeralda raises her hand immediately and says, “Neil Armstrong”.
Billy immediately shouts “Fuck the Mexicans!”
The teacher, not believing what she just heard, stands up and demands “Who said that?!?!?”
Billy stands up and says, “Donald Trump!”
He then gathered his belongings, walked towards the door and before opening it and exiting, turns to his teacher and says…
“I’ll see you on Tuesday!”
Cop on Patrol
A cop is patrolling at night and sees a car parked in lover’s lane.
He knocks on the window, when it’s rolled down he sees a guy in the front seat playing on his phone and a girl in the back seat reading a magazine.
The cop says “What’s going on here?”
The guy says, “nothing at all officer.”
Cop says “Let’s see some ID, how old are you?”The guy hands the cop his license and says he’s 27.
The cop says, “And her, how old is she?”
The guy looks at his watch and says
“She will be 18 in exactly 9 minutes.”
The inventor of the wind chill factor died this week....
He was 86 but he felt more like 64.
What do you call a 1000 rabbit stepping backwards?
A receding hare line!
Tap snare!
The keys for men to find happiness in a relationship are as follows
Find a woman that understands your flaws, a woman that loves you, a woman that has a great sense of humour and make sure those three women don’t find out about each other.
What does Ted Bundy and a prostitute have in common?
They both have a high body count.