The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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A man goes to a psychiatrist with a banana sticking half way out of his ear
Obviously, the first thing the psychiatrist asks is, “What’s with the banana in your ear?” “Well,” the man replies, “I am petrified of rhinoceros and I believe that this keeps them away.” “But sir,” the psychiatrist replies, “there’s not a rhinoceros for around for thousands of miles!” “Exactly!” The man replies, gesturing at the banana.
Toast
I asked my girlfriend if she could make me some toast for breakfast She said she did not know the recipe
[Unfunny] Why did the Pirate have an eye patch?
The pirates hand got blasted off by a flintlock, which gave him a hook. 6 hours after he got the hook, a seagull pooped in his eye.. He tried to cover his eye.. But it was his first day with the hook.
A boy asks his father how he was born
The father answers: "When me and mommy were young, we planted a seed. And everyday, we took great care of that seed. The seed soon turned into a sapling, and that sapling turned into a large and beautiful tree. Then we dried the leaves from the tree, smoked it, got extremely high, fucked with no protection."
Physics
A kid was having a hard time understanding Motion. So he googled it and tried to comprehend it deeply. Alas! His IQ was very low. The next day teacher asks him to define Motion, to which he replies:" Motion is relative to everyone and we should respect it. "
If Generation X are called “Boomers” and Generation Z are called “Zoomers,” then what do they call Generation Y?
Millennials.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal...
One turns to the other and says, "I think we got this joke wrong."
Now that ketchup popsicles are a thing, why are some doctors giving them to patients?
To test their gag reflexes.