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Wife asked her man if he thinks about her when he is having sex with her

Of course my love, he replied. Well what do you think about when you are close to coming and I tell you not to come yet? The husband said "I already said, I think about you".

A blonde and a brunette are walking on opposite sides of the river...

The brunette yells to the blonde, "How do you get to the other side of the river?" To which the blonde replies, "Um, you ARE on the other side!"

Yo mama is so fat that...

She causes gravitational lensing

What did this little piggy say on the way home from Gamestop?

"Wii, Wii, Wii!"

What do you call JK Rowling in space?

Astro TERF

Last night my wife said she was divorcing me because I am always mixing up colors

This came out of the yellow

Do you hear about the clown that got fired on his first day at the circus?

He’s suing for fun fair dismissal

The box of condoms

Young couple finishes having sex when the female rolls over and looks at the box of condoms sitting on the nights stand, and notices that there are only six left out of the original dozen She says, - ”We only used one. What happened to the other 5 condoms?” The young man thinks then tells her that he used them to make balloon animals for his young niece and nephew. It took 2 to make a balloon lion and 3 to make a giraffe. Later that night the girl is out to dinner with another male friend and tells him the story about the balloon animals. - “What do you think?” she says He laughs and says, - ”Why, I do that all the time”. - “Are you telling me you make balloon animals with condoms also?” - "No, I lie to my girlfriend."

Why should you never fight a vegan?

Cause they know To-fu!

I Finally killed the Spaghetti guardian boss.

He pasta-way

The Titanic would not have sank if Global Warming was happening at the turn of that century.

Let that sink in.

Halloween jokes: Why can’t ghosts have babies?

Because the have “hollow-weenies” What do Southerners do for Halloween? Pump-kin

Yesterday I saw a gay cockroach…

How do I know it was gay? It came out of the closet.

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