The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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A seller at a flea market told a lady that an old mirror was magic and could grant wishes
She bought the mirror and brought it home. Looking for a suitable place to hang it, she settled on the back of the bedroom door. Taking a moment to collect her thoughts and wishes, she faced the mirror and pronounced, "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my breasts size forty-four!” Instantly, her bra strap burst, her blouse buttons popped off, and she had much larger breasts. Her husband came home, went into the bedroom and was stunned at the sight of his buxom wife admiring herself in the mirror. When she explained the magic, he immediately crowded her to the side to face the mirror, saying, "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my penis touch the floor!" so his legs fell off.
I used to be able to go to the grocery store with $20 and come back with food for a month
Try doing it nowadays with cameras everywhere
At first I didn’t know an angry mob was outside my home because I only heard a polite knock on my door.
But when I discovered the truth of my predicament, I stayed as quiet as a mouse—quieter, even—and fortunately, after a short time, they all got bored and left. Power to the peephole.
A strong man, a bearded lady and a trapeze artist walked into a bar.
The midget walked under it.
A Cowboy Buys a Horse (long)
A cowboy decided to buy a horse from the preacher. As the money changed hands, the preacher warned him, “Now this isn’t a regular horse. I’ve taught this one different commands. To get him to run, you must say ‘Hallelujah!’ And to make him stop say ‘Amen’. The cowboy thanked him and the preacher left. Later that afternoon, the cowboy decided to test out the horse. He saddled up and mounted, then kicked his heels, yelling “Heyahh!” The horse just stood there, unmoving. Oh yeah, the rancher thought, remembering what the preacher said. “Hallelujah!” The horse bolted into a dead run. The rancher held on for dear life. “Woah! Slow down!” He pulled hard at the reins, but the horse was running at top speed, straight for the edge of a tall cliff. “Stop! Woah!” The horse wouldn’t slow down or stop. The cliff was getting closer and closer. The cowboy, panicking, realized he was about to die and quickly prayed. “God, save my soul and forgive my sins, Amen.” The horse slid to a sweaty stop, right at the very edge of the cliff. The cowboy, giddy with relief, shouted. “Hallelujah!”
Voting is like driving.
Choose “D” to crush random children in Middle East. Choose “R” to crush random children in Middle East
What does James Charles and an xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children
A lesbian, a gay man, a bisexual person, and a trans person are waiting in line
It was an LGBT queue