The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

An investigative journalist ...

wanted to find out if homicide rates were higher in "blue" or "red" cities. He gathered years and years of statistics, from small towns to major cities. He soon became overwhelmed the amount of data, but worked diligently to summarize it into digestable chunks. He finally got the story published in the morning newspaper, but no sooner had he finished a celebratory cup of coffee then there came a loud knock at the door. He slowly opened the door to find a police officer demanding he come with him to the station. "What ever for?" exclaimed the journalist. "Aggregated murder!"

Why does Spiderman wear a mask?

To hide the P.P.

Which musicians do bisexuals enjoy?

They like Debussy and they like Dedic

Where are you if the devil is forcing you to drink piss all day?

Urine hell

"Every kiss beings with Kay"

Which is why I buy all my wife jewelry at BJs.

My American friend says she is tired of using the imperial system of units.

Message me if you wanna meter.

What do you call a group of emos?

The suicide squad.

Boss, I have good news and bad news

Whats the bad news? Im retiring today Whats the good news? Im retiring today

Was on a date with a lady

I asked her “would you like a pizza?” She replied “no I’m eating light these days” The waiter comes up and says “can I take your order?” So I said “yeah can I have a pizza and can I get a Phillips LED lightbulb?” Nevertheless long story short the date didn’t quite go down well…

What’s the difference between The Jackson 5, and cancer?

Joe didn’t beat cancer.

What does Laura Prepon and Ariana Grande have in common?

The were both transgingered at some point.

What do you call two cowboys in a hot tub drinking margheritas on a Tuesday in Sante Fé?

Iuno

A guy is eating 907.18kg of meat intentionally

He’s eating beef willing ton