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There was once a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave. He said, ‘ah what the hell’ ‘I’ll get used to the smell’ ‘And think of the money I’ll save’.
Et tu brutus
Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus are at the airport. Brutus: “Which is our boarding gate Caesar?” Caesar: “A-2 Brutus” Brutus: “And what time is the flight Caesar?” Caesar: “8:02 Brutus” Brutus: “By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar?” Caesar: “Ate two Brutus” Brutus: “This is an unusual paper size for a ticket. What size is it Caesar?” Caesar: “A2 Brutus” Brutus (Thinking to himself): “This man is really beginning to get on my nerves. One of these days I’m going to have to kill him”
Bilbo was surprised to hear of a Tesco Express opening up in the Shire...
It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
A 10 year old queer asks her mother, “Mommy, how was I born?”
The mother smiled and replied, “Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high ee fucked without a condom.”
Boy to farmer
"Mr. Famer, why do you call your Pig INK?" Mr Farmer says "because I keep him in a pen."
there are 10 types of people in the world
those who understand binary code, and those who don’t.
Two attractive women were talking...
1. Hey, I had a great time last night, I slept with a Brazilian. 2. OMG, how many is a brazilian?