The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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4 men and 12 women walk into a bar.
Because of this the bar was finally removed so that no one else would walk into it.
A pirate walks into a bar…
He has a steering wheel attached to his balls. The bartender goes “hello sir, what’s with the steering wheel attached to your balls?” The pirate says “arghhh, I don’t know matey, but it’s driving me nuts!”
wrong tracks
An inexperienced hunter was following some tracks deep in the jungle he had nvr seen an animal with such tracks,he followed the tracks for a couple of meters............................................................................... Then he got run over by a train
Sherlock Holmes is searching for a criminal.
The criminal assaulted several people, then spent the night at a hotel. He and Watson spent several hours searching the room top and bottom for DNA evidence left behind by the staff. Then, Watson had an idea. The idea was to look in the room’s sewage, for urine, waste, and dead skin cells. They ask the hotel for access, then Watson starts to inspect the pipes. After a while, Holmes tells Watson, “Dang it! The hotel must’ve already flushed it all out as per protocol. Watson turns around and shrugs. “No shit, Sherlock.”
Four prisoners are killed in a prison bus accident
A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isn’t ready for them. He says “you died a little too soon. So we don’t have anywhere to put you. I will be clearing out a few places for you but in the meantime we must send you back. You get a second chance to do better. However if you fall into your old ways you will be sent back here immediately!” Poof all four land on the street in NYC. The drug dealer within minutes finds a pay phone and begins dialing his drug supplier to get back into the drug game. As soon as his supplier answers *POOF* the drug dealer disappears in a cloud of smoke. The other three continue walking until a brand new Lamborghini pulls up and the owner mistakingly thinks the car thief is a valet. He tosses the keys to lambo and says “park it!”. The car thief can’t help himself and hops in the Lamborghini. Before he can even take his foot off the brake *POOF* goes the car thief. After a few blocks the bank robber and rapist are walking past a bank. All of the sudden a group of bank robbers come running out with bags of cash as an alarm blares behind them. A single $100 bill falls gently to the ground as the robbers speed off. The bank robber looks around and then bends over to grab the $100 bill and *POOF* goes the rapist
I recently went to a comedy restaurant, and there was a chicken with a speech impediment on stage...
The food was great, but the yolks were terrible...
Did any of you hear about what happened when the kitchen floor in Heaven got covered in crumbs?
Jesus swept.
Why does a man laugh three times at a joke
1st time to fit in with everybody. 2nd time because he gets the joke and a 3rd time because he was stupid and didn’t get the joke.
what dod one pilot tell the other.
Pilot1: why did you become a pilot Pilot2 : to overcome my biggest fear. Pilot 1: fear of heights Pilot 2; Nop, DYING ALONE.
A Lion is chasing a Monkey in the Jungle
The lion was chasing the monkey then suddenly a fairy appeared and stopped both of them. The fairy said that she’ll give both the lion and the monkey 3 wishes each if the lion stops chasing the monkey. The lion agrees and states his first wish “ I wish all the lions in this jungle to become lionesses “ The monkey also gives his first wish “I wish for a helmet” The lion goes for the second wish “ I wish all the lions in the neighboring jungle become Lionesses too “ The monkey asks for his second wish “ I want a motorcycle with a tank full of gas “ The lion gives his final wish “ I want all the lions in the world to turn into Lionesses “ The Monkey puts on his helmet, starts up his motorcycle, and then asks for his final wish “I wish you make this Lion’s balls disappear “