Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...ME: one time I farted so long & loud I thought my ass would stop and take a breath...
INTERVIEWER: ...and what would you consider a weakness about yourself?
My wife ran a red light while driving next to me
I can’t believe even my wife is leaving me on read now
Who has an IQ of 150, but has to go to school nevertheless?
Three gym teacher.
Yesterday I saw a gay cockroach…
How do I know it was gay?
It came out of the closet.
Halloween jokes: Why can’t ghosts have babies?
Because the have “hollow-weenies”
What do Southerners do for Halloween?
Pump-kin
The Titanic would not have sank if Global Warming was happening at the turn of that century.
Let that sink in.
The box of condoms
Young couple finishes having sex when the female rolls over and looks at the box of condoms sitting on the nights stand, and notices that there are only six left out of the original dozen
She says,
- ”We only used one. What happened to the other 5 condoms?”
The young man thinks then tells her that he used them to make balloon animals for his young niece and nephew. It took 2 to make a balloon lion and 3 to make a giraffe.
Later that night the girl is out to dinner with another male friend and tells him the story about the balloon animals.
- “What do you think?” she says
He laughs and says,
- ”Why, I do that all the time”.
- “Are you telling me you make balloon animals with condoms also?”
- "No, I lie to my girlfriend."
Do you hear about the clown that got fired on his first day at the circus?
He’s suing for fun fair dismissal
Last night my wife said she was divorcing me because I am always mixing up colors
This came out of the yellow