Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...How do you go about dismantling a bureaucracy?
make sure you submit the proper forms first.
Did you hear that 19 year-old Hans Niemann used anal beads to cheat against Magnus?
I guess there were two sore losers.
I refuse to talk to anyone who has less than 10 toes.
I am lack toes intolerant.
2 kids outside a clinic
Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic.
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Alex was crying very loudly.
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Johnny: Why are you crying?
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Alex: I came here for a blood test.
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Johnny: So? Are you afraid?
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Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
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After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked:
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Why are you crying now?
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Johnny: I came for a urine test!
what did the ceo of twix say to the magician?
i to have some twix up my sleeves
How did the Marx Brothers win the marathon?
...By Harpo-loading the night before
Home Depot sign said ‘Now Hiring—All Positions’
So I called to see if missionary and semi-fetal were available.
They hung up. Quite defensive.
At the pharmacy
Man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist where he can find the Viagra.
The pharmacists tells him he needs a prescription to buy it.
The man smiles and says,
- “Bullshit, I have $100 in my pocket that says I don’t need one.”
The pharmacist looks left and right to be sure they were out of earshot, then replies,
- “ how many do you need?”
Th man says,
- “I have 2 twenty year old French escorts spending the weekend with me. I figure I’ll need about 10.”
The pharmacist concludes the transaction and wishes the man a great weekend.
The following Monday morning the pharmacist looks up and notices the same man rummaging through the shelves.
Eager to be of assistance, he says,
- “Morning ….How can I help you today?”
The man moans and says,
- “I’m really hurting….I need a large tube of Ben Gay.”
The pharmacist says,
- "Ben Gay!!!???. Hell, you can’t put Ben Gay on that thing!!!”
- “What thing???? Its for my wrist….The two women never showed up!!”
You know why Mary and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem for that census?
Because he never entered her as his wife.
Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells?
She grew out of her B shells.