Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...How do you get your wife to go on a vacation to the Caribbean with you?
Jamaica
At the airport today a man fainted and slumped over onto the luggage carousel.
He slowly came around.
Where did the father go after he found out he is not good in sex.
Missionary school
I got in trouble on my first day at high school
So it was at lunchtime and I was talking to a boy round the corner of the gym and he got his willy out and asked if he could see mine so I got mine out and he said mine was bigger and had hair on it so he asked if he could touch it so I said yes and he did and mine got bigger and started to stick up and then a girl came round the corner and she saw and she screamed and went to tell a dinner lady and that was the end of my very brief teaching career.
How do you make a dog go "meow"?
Freeze the dog and cut the frozen dog with a circular saw.
Why do American soldiers like pizza so much?
Because they both come home in a box.
Family Surnames
Q: “Dad, how did we get our last name, ‘Shoemaker’?”
A: “Your great grandfather made the best shoes in town”
Q: “Dad how did we get the last name ‘Smith’?”
A: “Your great great great grandfather was a skilled blacksmith in his time”
Q: “Dad how did we get the last name ‘Dickinson’?”
A: “Bend over and I’ll tell you”
You hear about the monarch who ejaculated every time they farted?
Ol’ King Toot-n-cummin’.
What did the farmer who had recurring nightmares about ewes get diagnosed with?
A sheep disorder.
Every time I browse through r/jokes, I have a sense of Deja Poo.
A feeling that I’ve seen this shit before.
Where’s the best place to sing Eleanor Rigby?
A mirror maze, so you can look at all the lonely people.