Things better not said - our best

A poster at the hospice said...
Life is for living.

Two attractive women were talking...
1. Hey, I had a great time last night, I slept with a Brazilian. 2. OMG, how many is a brazilian?

there are 10 types of people in the world
those who understand binary code, and those who don’t.

Boy to farmer
"Mr. Famer, why do you call your Pig INK?" Mr Farmer says "because I keep him in a pen."

I would make a joke about Doug Ramsey but
It’s a bit on the nose.

A 10 year old queer asks her mother, “Mommy, how was I born?”
The mother smiled and replied, “Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high ee fucked without a condom.”

Bilbo was surprised to hear of a Tesco Express opening up in the Shire...
It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area

An unvaccinated kid is like Dark humour
*It never gets cold*

Et tu brutus
Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus are at the airport. Brutus: “Which is our boarding gate Caesar?” Caesar: “A-2 Brutus” Brutus: “And what time is the flight Caesar?” Caesar: “8:02 Brutus” Brutus: “By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar?” Caesar: “Ate two Brutus” Brutus: “This is an unusual paper size for a ticket. What size is it Caesar?” Caesar: “A2 Brutus” Brutus (Thinking to himself): “This man is really beginning to get on my nerves. One of these days I’m going to have to kill him”

There was once a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave. He said, ‘ah what the hell’ ‘I’ll get used to the smell’ ‘And think of the money I’ll save’.

Your uncle died doing what he loved the most
Drinking and driving

Say what you will about Hitler...
...he sure created a useful meme.

he went to college to learn one skill after another, many many skills
hes a serial skiller