Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...I remember when I could go into the grocery store with a dollar in my pocket.
And come out with a dozen eggs, pound of bacon and a loaf of bread.
You can’t do that anymore they have cameras everywhere.
Asking kids what they want for dinner
Girl-Grilled cheese
Boy-boy cheese
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops ice cream, two scoops dead baby.
What’s the condition when you can’t walk because your legs are frozen?
Your legs are in limbo.
Have you heard Usher’s just gone into the bakery business?
He’s releasing a new song to help drive awareness.
It’s titled “Confections”
What’s the difference between the Titanic and your mom?
They know how many men went down on the titanic.
What do you call it when you linger too often at a Tibetan sandwich shop?
A daily dilli-dallie at the Dalai Deli.
I’ll show myself out now.
What do you get when you cross an early bird and a night owl?
Shut the f up, I only got 2 hours of sleep last night!
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.
She asked me: “How did you know it was on its way to work?”