The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
Me and wife went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.
The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy tonight. Would you mind waiting for a bit? I said no problem. He said well take these drinks to table. 4.
The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson
My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my sex appeal, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I’ve got a full time job, To find the gosh darn thing. It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues. To see it hang its little head, And watch me tie my shoes!!
Movie Box Office Numbers for December 30th 2022
Avatar Way of the Water $24,440,000 Puss in Boots $6,460,000 Black Panther $1,820,000 Women Talking $10 (one senior ticket)
An LGBQT cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives?
The flambuoyants.
My wife asked me to R.S.V.P. to a party my inlaws were throwing....
....so I coughed and urinated on the invitation.
A friend told me this joke the other day. He said:
“So I was watching Rick and Morty with Ryan and Iso. Everything was fine until Ryan started making fun of Iso for not having a high enough IQ to get the jokes. They argued and argued, and finally Iso took Ryan’s Rick and Morty poster off the wall and tore it to shreds.” My friend pauses as if this is where I am supposed to laugh. I ask him, “Wait what’s the joke, what’s the punchline?!” He says “I guess I knew you wouldn’t get it. It’s esoteric.”
A guy retires and moves to the country
After decades of working in a Post Office a guy decides to retire and move to the outback, where his nearest neighbour lives a kilometre away from him. One weekend, this neighbour visits the guy and invite them to his house for a party that evening. “but I gotta warn you” says the neighbour “there’ll be a lot of drinking there”. “That’s okay I can keep up with the best of ‘em”. “Ah good good” he says, then adds “ but sometimes after the drinks, things can get a bit rowdy and fight or two might break out”. “Don’t worry about be mate” says the guy. “I can hold my own”. “Goodo” says the neighbour, then adds “ and if we are really lucky later that night, we might be able to get some action, if you know what I mean! (wink)”. “Oh yeah I’d be keen for that” says the guy. “So I’ll see you at around 8 o’clock tonight then?” says the neighbour. “Yeah, I’ll see you then mate. What do you want me to bring?” “Whatever you want mate” says the neighbour. “It’s just gonna be you and me”.
I hate humans soo much...
As a combine harvester, I find it so difficult to put up with these humans. I have to work so much all day and all they do is sit on their ass...Nobody understands me and I feel so numb and tired. Just needed to let this out here...I am new to reddit so I hope I am posting this in the right sub so that I can get some advice, I hope that this is not taken as a joke or something...
What did the yogurt say when it found out that the Greek yogurt has more protein?
"No whey!"