The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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A guy walks into a bar without money…
He asks the bartender if he can get a free drink. The bartender kindly replies there are no free drinks on offer, but he could actually try the challenge and win free drinks for the rest of his life… Naturally, the guy is interested; ‘So tell me about that challenge!’ The bartender explains how it consists of 3 tasks he needs to complete. “First, you will need to down a full pint of 80%-alcohol locally brewed moonshine.. in 1 shot!. If you don’t throw up, you pass the challenge.. if you do throw up, you clean the entire bar tonight” “Secondly”, he continues, “there is a guarddog in the back alley. It’s a real mean killer pitbull, used to fight for money, kills everyone getting over the fence… he has a rotten tooth that needs to be pulled”. “And finally, the mother of the bar owner lives upstairs. The poor lady is approaching her 90th birthday, but never had an orgasm in her life… if you give her that joy for the first time you are all set!” The visitor is up to the challenge and says he will have a go. He starts with the pint of moonshine and actually manages to hold it all in, barely. So its up to the second part. The bartender opens the emergency door, pushes the guy into the alley, and quickly slams the door shut. Immediately, the worst sounds start emerging through the door; barking, screaming, the chain of the dog, and the goes on for almost 40 minutes… then it goes quiet… The bartender thinks he knows what happend, so was just walking back behind the bar, but then hears a surprising knock on the emergency door. The guy walks in, covered in blood, bite-marks, clothes all torn, out of breath, but still alive. “Its done”, he proudly says. “now… where is that old lady that needs to get that tooth pulled?”
What did the gardener say to his roommate who always moves his tools around?
“Don’t touch machete”
Sausage Factory
A Mississipi Man took his son to visit a sausage factory. - See this my son? This is a modern machine in which a donkey was placed on one side and the sausage came out ready on the other side. - Dad, is there a machine like this one, where we put the sausage and it releases a donkey? - Yes. Your mother.
Why can’t you move after getting kicked in the nuts?
Because you are nuts backwards.
What is Alexa and Siri doing when they respond still checking after you ask a question?
Asking Chuck Norris for the answer