The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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An American man gets married to a British woman.
Before the big night, his father tells him "Tonight I want you to carry your wife in your arms to show her that the US is a strong nation. Then I want you to throw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation. And finally, I want you to take off your clothes to show her that the US is a beautiful nation.” After the big night the father asks his son, “So, how did it go?” “Well, I carried her in my arms to show her that the US is a strong nation.” "Good!" “Then I threw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation.” “Yeah!" “And then I took off my clothes to show her that the US is a beautiful nation.” “Very Good! And then what did you do?" “I jacked off in front of her.” “Wait….What?!? Why would you do that?" "To show her that the US is a free and independent nation!"
Has anyone else noticed this about movie trailers in recent years?
Movie trailers will say a movie is “only in theaters this Thursday” or “Only in theaters June 9th”. Like why only for that day?
Wheel Chair bound congressman Madison Cawthorn lost his primary tonight.
Now it’s not just his doctors telling him that he can no longer run.
the pillsbury dough boy just said hes attracted to young k1ds
now hes the pillsbury pedough boy
What’s the difference between the Wild West and New York State?
In New York they’re still shooting up Buffalo
Hey, I know a joke:
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead! -Doug
Did you know that in the 1800s there was a childminder that used to give all of her wards a sweet with a bit of opium in it? Hence the phrase “Have *sweet* dreams?
You: Really? Me: Nah it’s just that “Have *salty* dreams sounded a bit sus.”