The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

My girlfriend has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh

And when you put your ear on it, you can smell the ocean.

What do you call a one night stand between two eye doctors?

An optome-tryst.

Why’d the man open the door?

Because he wanted to get inside.

When I was in the shop today, I saw a book that said "Guide how to solve 50% of your problems"

so I bought 2 of them

My wife asked if I wanted to buy some baby cloths

I said but it from China, kids know better about what kids like to wear

What do you call a death by someone kicking your butt?

Assassination

I’m in an elevator…

A woman walks in and I say “can I smell your feet?” She says “No!” So I responded “must be your pussy then.”

Does Zuckerberg like poetry?

Yes, he’s never met-a-verse he didn’t like.

Why would no women in the world be a bad thing?

It would be a pain in the ass

Mr and Mrs Fly have three children, what do they call them ?

Abdel, Yves and Akhim. *Abdel Yves Akhim Fly, Abdel Yves Akhim touch the sky...*

What do Gisele, Eli Manning, and Nick Foles all have in common?

All three managed to take a ring from Tom Brady.

What do you call a promiscuous Macaulay Culkin impersonator?

Ho Malone

Eco-activists, as a protest, splashed paint on a famous Jackson Pollock painting

No-one noticed.