The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Jesus will rule the world in 2034

Don’t believe me? Look up “Jesus Christ Rule 34.”

Did you ever hear about the guy who could see the future when he picked his nose?

His name was Nostrildamus.

what do you call it when your french friend copies you

co-pierre

I cried when my dad cut onion..

Onion was such a nice dog.

A sports ball joke

So when talking to a lesbian friend about how to be good at pool I try to explain how posture is important. “ I know the concept of being a straight person is whack yet you really need to follow through with the ball stick.”

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was

when I dated a schizophrenic.

What is the highest tavern in Estonia?

Tall Inn

There was a Redditor named Hally.

He was on the web every day, but he almost never wrote what he thought. Somebody calculated that he did that only once about every 76 years. Everybody was waiting for the famous Hally Comment.

Why was the lumberjack scared of church?

Because the preacher called everyone “prey for a saw”.

do you know what are the most chatty shoes?

The converse.

In the future, Jeff Bezos will give away his fortune.

Elon started two weeks ago.

Why did the dolphin have a baby?

It gave her porpoise.

Sahara Desert.

A somewhat predictable oldie but amusing nevertheless. A guy was lost in the Sahara Desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it. The guy asked, "Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?" The old man replied, "I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie?. Here’s one that goes nicely with your shirt." The guy shouted, "I don’t want a tie, you idiot! I need water!" "OK, don’t buy a tie, but to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that dune there, about five miles down, there is a nice restaurant my brother runs. Go over that way, they’ll give you all the water you want." The guy thanked him and walked away towards the dune and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the guy came crawling back to where the old man was sitting behind his card table. The old man said, "I told you, about five miles over that dune. Couldn’t you find it?" The guy rasped, "I found it, they wouldn’t let me in without a tie."