The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Egg and hen.

The egg and the hen are sitting in the waiting room. The nurse comes out and asks, so who was first? The egg turns red and says, fuck you with this already.

What did little Abdhul say to his Mom after he was caught stealing the second time?

"Look Ma, no hands!"

Last night I watched the uncut version of the film Scarface.

It was called Face.

Want to know why my bees are smoother than yours?

None of your bees wax

My girlfriend said she wanted me to buy her some fresh ink

I told her to text me some noods. It’s your basic tit for tat

I asked my wife if she would like a necklace for Christmas, she said nothing will please her more

So I got her nothing instead

What did the ghost die of?

>!The boobonic plague !<

A Chinese man walks into an American currency exchange...

...and trades 1000 yuan for $150. Two weeks later, he goes back, and the same clerk gives him only $140. He asks, "Why did you give me less this time?" The clerk shrugs, and says, "Fluctuations". The man replies, "Well, fluck you Americans too!" and storms out

Why did the opossum get a bath?

To see Santa

What did the testicle say to the seminiferous tubules?

We’ll never get along. There’s such a vas deferens between us.

To the guy who invented zero...

Thanks for nothing.

How fast does the Grinch’s sled go?

Max speed

I recently decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim".

I feel so much better telling people I went to the Jim this morning.