The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

A man worked as a suicide committer. On his first day of work, he failed

The boss says: "he had only one job".

I never wear any clothes with Velcro on them.

I just can’t pull it off.

Did you realise that 3 out of 4 people...

make up 75% of the population?

Who had the first recorded OD?

Saint Stephen. He was stoned to death.

My friend asked

My friend asked what I was doing? I was taking a shit, so I told him. That was the last time he asked me what I was doing.

What happens to your male ding dong when you work for Bill Gates?

micro soft

There’s a man in France that paints with his penis

When asked how he is able to paint these absolutely beautiful murals all over France using his penis, the painter said, “it wasn’t hard”.

Yo momma so fat,

when her picture showed up on my phone my arm got pulled out of its socket.

How to tell someone’s politics by their jokes:

The Right punches down, the Left punches up, and Centrists form a circle jerk.

We missed a chance with morning wood

Not calling it cock-doodle-do

Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattlesnake.

Dr’s did everything they could but couldn’t save the snake.

What does a house wear?

A dress.