The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Liam Neeson struggles with being unappreciated after saving his family several times.

His next film is going to be "Taken 4 Granted."

Am I right or am I right

Adoption is just legal kidnapping

If someone calls you fat, just ignore them...

You are bigger than that!

I am always right!

I am always right! there was this one time when i thought i was wrong..but i was mistaken

What do you call a red headed beer?

A Ginger Ale!

St Louis Cardinals fans are comparable to gay men who went through conversion therapy, only to have the effects eventually wear off.

Now, ten years later, they are once again fans of Pujols.

I work at an Italian restaurant in NYC, and I witnessed my bosses throw something that was purple, full of bullets and wrapped in shrink wrap into a lake…

I said “Well, I know those eggplants got a little mouldy but I think just putting them in the dumpster would have been enough”

Can we start using "stars" as a unit of measurement, instead of inches?

It sounds way better to tell the ladies I have a 5 star penis

Dad jokes

### What do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand? Cuatro cinco

Two statues

There are two statues in the park, 9 feet (3 meters) apart. A handsome young man and a beautiful young woman, staring into each other’s eyes in love, but helpless to move to fulfill their shared desire. One day a benevolent wizard is walking through the park and sees them. Filled with pity he does some wizard stuff and brings them to life. Filled with joy, they jump off their pedestals, rush into each other’s arms, and dash into the shrubbery. There is great squealing in joy, giggling, and thrashing of the bushes. Eventually they emerge from the bushes, hand in hand. The woman smiles at the man. She says “That was great. Now I’ll hold the pigeon and you shit on it’s head.”

Science whiz

So Bobby had a science project where he had to come up with an experiment and observation. After much thought, he decided to use his pet spider. With his notebook to collect data, he brought his spider and let it out on the table. Bobby then said to the spider, “Walk”. The spider started to run quickly towards the other end of the table. Bobby noted the distance the spider covered. Then Bobby broke off one leg of the spider and told it to walk. The spider started again with a slight limp. Bobby noted the distance again. Bobby then broke another leg and commanded the spider to walk again. It again went with more of a limp. This kept going till the spider had just one leg left and somehow managed to pull itself slowly. Finally Bobby broke the last leg and commanded the spider to walk again. This time the spider just sat there and couldn’t move at all. Satisfied, Bobby put the spider back and noted all his data. At the end he wrote his conclusion, “When all the legs of a spider are broken it cannot hear you anymore.”

Somebody asks Arnold Schwarzenegger what his favourite holiday is...

Arnold replies "Has to be Easter"

I want to tell you a scoliosis joke.

but it’s completely out of line.