The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
Astronauts have to drink their coffee black to prep for trips off the earth.
In space no one can here use cream.
Two Goldfish are in a tank
...one turns to the other and asks "Do you know how to drive this behemoth?"
Pearl Jam have had to cancel some gigs in Europe after Eddie Vedder experienced some issues with his throat.
The band tried to source a temporary replacement vocalist, but they can’t find a better man.
A family is driving behind a garbage truck…
when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry. That was an insect.” To which one of the boys replies, “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!”
What do you call two gay people hanging out?
A potential relationship that is cute and wholesome and very beautiful :) or it could also not be a relationship but just two gay friends hanging out, who am I to judge :) its 2022 :) happy late pride month guys :)
Aussie customs
Going through the Australian border control, the customs officer interviewed me and all went well until he asked whether I had any criminal record. He was not impressed with my answer: “I didn’t know it was still necessary.”
A mariachi band was in a car accident..
Unfortunately some of the instruments were damaged and the band members injured. Don’t worry, they made a maracaless recovery.
I had to go the orphanage the other day-
My shoe factory was "running short" on employees.
I’m pretty sure my local corner shop is a money laundering front.
I’ve been in there about 1000 times and not once have I seen a corner for sale.
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.
Dad sees a patient..
Dad and I are doctors. He had a patient that one day came in with a flea behind his ear. Week after week, said patient keeps returning to get this flea looked at. One day, dad goes on vacation, and leaves me in charge of the practice. The patient comes in, and in horror and disbelief of my dad’s incompetence, I immediately remove the flea, cure the wound and send the patient home, thankfully never to hear from him again. Upon my dad’s return, I’m delighted to rightfully pounce on him for the obvious oversight. He then proceeds to shoot back, that he’s been trying to keep the flea alive all this time, and since I obviously killed it, I can now begin to pay the rent for the practice.