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Just found out that Reddit successfully sued Drew Carey for trademark infringement.
Starting today Reddit will have exclusive rights to “Where everything is made up and the points don’t matter.”
A kid hands over his paycheck to his dad
With tears streaming down his eyes dad tells him “It was just like yesterday you were sitting at home playing that dumb video game of yours all day” Son taking away the check says “Today they paid me at the gaming development company I work at”
A telemarketer calls a family’s home phone
A little girl picks up and whispers “hello?” TM- “Oh hello little girl, are your mommy or daddy home?” LG- (chuckles, then whispers) “yes they both are, but they’re busy and can’t talk right now.” TM- “Oh, okay… is there another adult I can speak with?” LG- (whispers) yea, there’s a cop and two firemen, but they’re also busy right now. (laughs) TM- “Oh really?! Well what are they all doing?” LG- (laughs) “They’re looking for me!”
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app.
It just sent an ambulance to my house.
On the way back from the annual grammar convention, I suffered a horrific accident that required reconstructive surgery of my lower GI tract…
…on the bright side, I finally know what a semicolon is.
There once was a man from Nantucket…
Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He wiped off his chin and said with a grin, “if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it”