The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
3 mathematicians and 3 physicists want to go on a train ride
The physicists buy 3 tickets(one for each) and the mathematicians say they have a special method and buy 1 ticket(1 for the 3 of them) On the train the mathematicians lock up in the same toilet and when the conductor knocked and asked for the ticket, one mathematician put his hand out with the ticket and that fooled the conductor On the way back, the physicists divided to use the math method and bought only one ticket. The mathematicians said they have another method and didn’t buy any tickets On the train the physicists lock up in one toilet and the mathematicians in another. Then one mathematician comes out and knocks on the physicists’ toilet. The physicists think that that’s the conductor and pull the ticket out. The mathematician takes the ticket and goes back into the toilet with the other mathematicians Moral: don’t use a mathematical method if you don’t know how it works
A neutron walks into a bar
He asks the bartender- "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and replied, "For you no charge" Sry, not the best joke I could think off
A rabbit walks into a pharmacy
“Carrots, have you got carrots?”, he asks. The pharmacist replies: “No, this is a pharmacy. If you want carrots you should check out the grocery store.” On the next day the rabbit comes back and asks: “Carrots, have you got carrots?” The pharmacist replies: “No, I told you yesterday, this is a pharmacy. You can get carrots at the grocery store.” On the next day the rabbit comes back again and asks: “Carrots, have you got carrots?” The pharmacist loses it. He beats the shit out of the rabbit. The rabbit crawls out of the pharmacy leaving his teeth behind on the floor. A few days later the rabbit comes back and ask: “Carrot juithe, have you got carrot juithe?” (It’s funnier in Turkish and when you hear it. Reading the lisp is not as funny as hearing it)
A mother lovingly asks...
A mother lovingly asks her son, Son, why are you giving hot water to the chicken? The son innocently replies to the mother, I am giving hot water to the chicken so that it will lay boiled eggs. Mom surprised by this answer.
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly afterward, they were married. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in, ordered, and had 3 extra large helpings of delicious baked beans. He farted all the way home. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!” She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Then he got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table fell over. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, “SURPRISE!!!” There, seated around the table to his great alarm, were twelve dinner guests for his surprise birthday party!
I hear Mr Kipling is bringing out a New E liquid
The reviews have said they are exceedingly good vapes
Why do people tell you to sit down for bad news
Because you might not be able to stand it