The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Yo mama so fat

That scientists call her "The Great Attractor"

Someone asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

So I said in full HD.

I told my wife that what she’s wearing isn’t appropriate for gardening.

But..she’s digging in her heels.

What weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

I was watching a horror movie with my wife

When suddenly is screamed, “close your eyes, a ghost is coming!!!” I was half way through asking why I should close my eyes when I took a full load to the face.

Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

i just got banned with my other account

This subreddit is a joke

A man goes to see his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

I have this problem with flying boats in my house...

...sails go through the roof

Little Lisa went home and told her mom that little Jonny showed her his penis

Lisa’s mom asked what she thought of it. Little Lisa said it reminded her of a peanut Lisa’s mom giggled and asked if it was because it was small Lisa said no mom, because it was salty

My date for Valentines told me I had the biggest Willy she’d ever felt.

Turns out she was pulling my leg.

What do you get when Wonder Woman [nsfw]

What do you get when Wonder Woman has sex with a transformer? . . . . Amazon Prime

What do Kanye West, FireFly, and my Netflix subscription have in common?

They’ve all been cancelled.