The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Boy says to his mother, the dog has defecated indoors again;

He became wise to the strength of his words; His mother yells; How can you speak words like that in this house? I cannot believe that you would say that before me; that my son would speak to me like some Roman gangster. The boy showed sorrow; It was not my will to swear. You have to let the dog out in the night, or he will shit on the floor again.

A friend of mine offer me position at a convenience store he managerd..

.. but I refused because 7-11 was an inside job.

Me and my buddy Milton Spilk used to work in a kitchen, chopping up vegetables.

You have to be careful or you can cut yourself. Old Milt had an accident and got cut up pretty bad. I felt bad about it, but eventually I decided... Why cry over Milt Spilk?

A 5th grade student asked a teacher to raise his grade...

The teacher relayed the information to the superintendent, who agreed The next day the student arrived at the wrong school, but his school bus dropped him off at the same location as usual! I wonder how that happened...

How does Hans Nieman announce that he’s won a game of chess?

“Cheekmate“

The beauty pageant

During the state finals of the Miss USA Beauty Pageant, Haylee, a beautiful 19 year old blonde girl with bright blue eyes, was asked “Who would she go back in time to kill?”. Without any hesitation, Haylee answers “Hitler, of course!”. The crowd erupts with a huge standing ovation upon hearing this very original answer. Haylee couldn’t help a tear of happiness rolling down her cheek because she never expected so many people to understand and feel the same way as she does; that with a more competent leader, the Third Reich would’ve blossomed and her perfect Aryan race would’ve ruled the world.

I know a lot of unemployment jokes...

Unfortunately, none of them work.

My teacher told me the Victorians didn’t have slang

Well that’s a porky

White guy: hey man you gunna fuck some camels today? Arab: oh you’re gunna get it….

White guy: yeah man love that you breed camels been waiting my whole life for one. Arab: yeah like I said you’re gunna get it. Right after I’m done fucking my camels. Idk can someone help me out there’s a joke here somewhere

Did you guys hear about the kidnapping that happened at the downtown school??

Everything turned out fine after he was woken up

How do you rescue a dying monitor?

With a screen saver

What does a fat American and a rich British person have in common?

They have alot of pounds

What did the zombies eat at the picnic?

Barbara Q.