The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Two cows in a field

One says, "mooooooo" The other says, "I was going to say that" ....to which the first responds, "fuck me, a talking cow!"

Its a great hospital!

What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? The head nurse.

What do rich people say when tickling their little kids?

Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.

I was going to offer you coffee with ice cream...

...but affogato.

What do you call it when a sailors last wish is to...

Jerk it out one last time while the ship is exploding? DEAD SEAMAN

Someone just robbed the local wig store...

Police are combing the area.

Why can’t witches have kids?

They have crystal balls and hallow weenies

What was the Witches favorite subject in school?

Spelling

Did you hear about the Reddit user that was into swinging?

OP was down with OPP

Why does Jeffery Dahmer always check himself in the mirror?

Just checking to see if he has someone in his teeth.

When I’m having a bad day it helps to compare it to those that are worse off

The homeless, the sick, the man in my trunk

What are 25 year olds too old for?

Leonardo DiCaprio

What do you call the pool of urine in the bathroom on your wedding night?

Split pee soup.