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On 12 August 2000, a famous Russian submarine sank in the Barents Sea
The *Tomsk*, a nuclear-powered vessel, was lost during a training exercise with all 118 crew on board when a torpedo malfunctioned and caused a chain reaction of explosions. *Edit: whoops, sorry.. wrong sub*
A Goldfish dumped his date
Goldfish: I can’t believe this, She photoshopped her body to be beautiful, how did this happen? Then he realised he was dating a catfish.
The pet dog of my family just died, and my parents were very sad. To make them feel better I kept barking like a dog last night.
They got scared af and immediately called an exorcist to my house, who then beat me to half death as a part of his magic to drive away “the dog spirit that was “possessing me.
I like watching World Cup even though I don’t know anything about football
Sitting on the couch with a cold beer and watch those millionaires and billionaires running on the field, tiring themselves to half death just to entertain me, what a successful life!
I went to the doctor to get a physical so I could enroll in gymnastics.
They said they wouldn’t serve me because I had “outstanding balance”. Just one look at me and they knew I was ready, no checkup needed!
I went to the hospital with my wife as she’s not feeling well, I then punched the doctor
He just kept telling me “be patient”. That was just cursing, how dare he said that he wished me to catch a disease.
What did the prison warder say to prisoners after arriving late to a meeting with them?
Sorry to have kept you.
What do John F Kennedy and Bill Clinton have in common?
Both of their political careers ended with a stained dress.
A cat walks into a bar.
He’s having a bad day. He asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey. The bartender puts it on the counter and the cat slowly nudges the shot glass onto the floor breaking the shot glass. The cat looks up at the bartender and says leave the bottle. I’m not done yet.