The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

I had an apple that tasted like shit

It wasn’t very Appletizing…

What do you call a pious convection oven?

An air friar

I told my wife… that if we start having sex by the time they start the New Year’s Eve countdown

We’ll still have time to go see the fireworks

I’m a solipsist.

But that’s just me.

If you fuck a pregnant women

You get a blowjob at the same time

Wickedness is a myth invented by good people

to account for the curious attraction of others.

I bought a CD at a yard sale for 5 cents...

I listened to it at home and it sucked. I went back to the yard sale and I said "Give me my nickel back!". They said, "We already did."

What’s the difference between peace and peach?

Eh

What style of potato chips does Santa Claus like best?

Kringle Cut

A nun was taking a bath

A nun was taking a bath when someone knocks at the door. Taken aback she asks: "Who is it?" Someone answers: "The Blind Man!" So she says: "Oh, come in!" The door opens and the guy says: "Nice Tits, where do you want the blinds?"

what do you call a vampire antelope?

Vlad the Impala

The difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

what does Canada have in common with China?

They both have youth in Asia. (euthanasia)