The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

jill is going to have a...

mastectomy. JILL had a mastectomy That’s why there are two fewer tittles in the second sentence

A catholic priest has a really smart parrot

that copies everything he does. One day the priest was ordering over the phone some expensive construction materials for the church renovation. "I would like to order 1000 handmade tiles and 1000 gold-lined frames" said the priest. When the priest left, the parrot, being smart as he was, dialed the same store and repeated the order; "I would like to order 1000 handmade tiles and 1000 gold-lined frames". The store manager, puzzled, placed the order and was delivered the next day. The priest was fuming mad with the extra expenses and knew right away that the parrot was the culprit. For punishment, he plucked the parrots feathers and pinned him on the church altar. The parrot looked around and saw Jesus on the cross and said "oh, I see you also made an order".

I put in maximum effort when I shave my pubic region.

I really put my balls to the Wahl.

If I could count with one hand how many times I’ve seen AI photos on Reddit

I would have at least six fingers.

Please, take me instead! I scream, grabbing at the two men who took my child

“Sorry sir, children only” they said, as they continue loading up the last lifeboat on the ship.

A soldier cam running back into camp after to going to see the prostitutes

A soldier came running into camp after going to see the prostitutes. He was white in the face. His friends asked if he had found a good time. He said that he had not. They asked why. He said that when he’d asked how much the woman charged, she’d said one mark plus the tip. He told his friends that he hadn’t realized they were charging body parts now. Credits: Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson

Leaving this sub.

Jokes are shite

I thought dating a vegan would improve my sex life.

I was told she eats nuts, roots and leaves. (Note root is euphemism for sex for non Aussies out there)

Did you hear about the blind pedestrian who got hit?

He never knew what hit him.

What footwear do human traffickers wear?

Boat shoes

Call me Salam

Because I make your male cum

I went on a Caribbean cruise a few years ago

and a Mediterranean cruise last month. I preferred the Mediterranean one, but that just may be a case of recent sea bias.

I like big words and I cannot

prevaricate.