The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
They say there are plenty of fish in the sea.
But until you catch one you’re just holding your rod.
A man goes to a brothel looking for something different
He goes to the counter and tells the lady “I feel like I’ve tried everything. Regular sex is boring for me. I’ve done 2 girls, 3 girls, 2 guys, 3 guys, toys, watching, everything. I can’t even get it up anymore. Can you help?” The madame cracks a sly smile and says “go down the hall to room 4 and ask for Maritza, I promise you you don’t be disappointed.” Excited and hopeful, he goes to door 4 and knocks. The door opens and he sees an average, plain looking woman in cheap lingerie. Disappointed, he says to the woman “I was told you could give me something no other woman can.” She motions for him to come in. He lays down on the bed and disrobes. Maritza gets on top of him and starts fiddling around with her right eye. The man hears a popping sound and, to his amazement, she hands him her glass eye. “Hold this,” she says “I won’t need it where we’re going.” She then proceeds to use her vacant eye socket to pleasure the man in a way he’s never experienced before. He comes 3 times in quick succession and is completely exhausted. He hands her the glass eye back, barely able to lift his trembling arm. In exhausted breath, he can barely get out the worlds “That’s the best I’ve ever had! I’m going to be back all the time!” Maritza looks down on him confidently and states “I’m always around, honey. I’ll keep an eye out for you.”
NATO can try their best, but Russian technology is on a whole other level
Their computers are so powerful, their memory is measured in kGB
I tried to listen to my new Johann Sebastian Bach vinyl record on my high-end turntable but it kept skipping.
I guess the record was Baroque!
The Irish invented whiskey and bagpipes
They forgot to tell the Scots the latter was a joke
I wish i always lost in life
Because at least then, i would have lost the sperm race
Saw a snake show today..
The handler was having a really hard time getting the giant anaconda out of the sack at first. Then, after promising an impressive length, he had a hard time getting it to stretch out so that was a let down too. Finally, the show finished about 45min earlier than promised. He seemed like a nice guy, that handler, but I think he had a reptile dysfunction
After ten long years, a widow finds herself in bed with a new man
After ten long years, a widow finds herself in bed with a new man. He kisses her. "Only Reggie used to kiss me," she mumbles. He grabs her breast. "Only Reggie used to fondle me," she stammers. He inserts himself inside her. "Only Reggie used to penetrate me," she moans. He thrusts repeatedly. "Only Reggie used to ravage me," she squeals. She begins to orgasm. "Reggie or not, here I cum!!"