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Hey are you kitty litter?

Because I’m diggin your clumps

It’s a common problem

Wife: Calls husband Wife: Hey honey, the car is really hot. What should I do? Husband: Tell it you have a headache.

What do you call a Russian dictator in Canada?

Vladimir Poutine.

A husband goes to his wife and says...

“You’re either going hunting with me, sucking me off or I’m f*cking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.” After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s no way you’re f*cking me in the ass!” “Alright then, guess you’re sucking my off.” So she starts to suck him off and quickly spits it out and looks up at him. “Your dick tastes like shit!” “Yeah well, the dogs didn’t want to go hunting either.”

Will - Rock

Next time you play Rock, Scissor, paper... just know that anyone can beat rock

Nurse: "We need a stool sample and a urine sample."

Nurse: "We need a stool sample and a urine sample." Man to wife: "What did she say?" Wife to husband: "They want your underwear."

A guy walks into a bar with a gun ...

A guy walks into a bar with a gun, fires one shot into the ceiling, then snarls: “Who’s the low-down dirty varmint who had sex with my wife?” There is a long silence, until a guy in the back calls out: “You ain’t got enough bullets!”

I have to joke about chemistry...

But it's so bad you won't even REACT

Cannibal:

Someone who is fed up with people

Grilling.....

What did the cricket say to the other cricket? * Cue cricket sounds Literal cricket sounds* Tough crowd, right?

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