The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Bumble asked me if I enjoyed using their app today.

I said no without hesitation, then continued swiping.

You want to know the best part about being a stand up comic with a stutter?

For my eight minute slot, I only have to write 45 seconds worth of material.

I am really good at card tricks

Ask 1 in 52 people and they’ll tell you so

So my wife walked in on me fucking our daughter

Idk what she was more surprised by, me fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus.

“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”

“No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”

What do you call a black person walking down the street?

A criminal

What do you call a facist octopus?

Eight-olf

Patient..

Patient: ‘Doctor, I think I need glasses.’ Teller: ‘You certainly do! This is a bank.’

Where do you send kids who think the holocaust was fake?

Jew Denial Hall

My next door neighbour….

My next door neighbour has a green triangular house , my other neighbour has a rectangular yellow house and the one across the road has a orange octangular house . Yes that’s right I live in a quality street

Can February March?

No, but April May.

Why did the orchestra sound so out of sync from each other?

They couldn’t band together

Confucius say

Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house