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I don’t know why Thieves Forest has such a bad reputation
I just moved here and I’ve already had 20 people offer to help me move in
I was told to describe myself in three words...
I replied with "always messes things up".
I just saw the news that someone was killed on the set of Law and Order..
Witnesses described hearing 2 shots.. "Dun Dun" *i know.. probably too soon..
My puppy’s barber was caught being inappropriate with the dogs.
I always *thought* he was a groomer.
R/AmITheAsshole in a nutshell
I’m a farther of six wonderful children including my daughter Angelica, she’s currently with her mother because she’s “leaving me. I honestly don’t care if her mother takes her to be honest I mean what’s a…” Yurism” yeah we’re going to discuss this when she comes back home…I knew we should’ve just had one kid. Anyways before you judge please hear my story . Me, let’s call Alexander.Ham M40 had an “affair” if you can even call it that, it was just a small year-long affair whilst my wife was gone… I was in a really dark place I needed to blow off steam. I had to write a lot of papers and my son was born an Aries so I was under enough pressure. My wife went on this vacation with her sister and I met this young woman who was BANGING, I mean if you saw her oh boy… Anyways I banged her, and she said something like “ You know I have a husband and daughter right?” I, admittedly forgot that she had a family but we sorted it out… I payed her husband and I got to bang her. Six years later my enemy Thomas blackmailed me accusing me of Embezzlement and, obviously I wasn’t gonna let this sully my good name so I told everyone about my entanglement. My wife was kinda being a bitch about it she was like “ I’m divorcing you, and that was my cousin” AFTER she put my letters and ring in the fireplace( ngl overreacted) now she’s threatening to “take all our children” and she’s “staying with her sisters”. I mean it was six years ago and I got it sorted out so I think my wife is kinda being a bitch but idk, Am I the Asshole?
My date stood me up at the movie theatre
I had to sit back down after getting yelled at by the family behind me.
I entered 10 puns to a pun contest hoping one of them would win...
... But no pun in ten did
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says....
“AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”