The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

what do you put in big gaping holes and fill the holes all the way up with?

a nice big caulk.

What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?

A woman.

what is the least spoken language in the world?

sign language.

What do you call a Cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

I now identify as boring.

My preferred pronouns are ho/hum.

How does a Navy Captain convince his sailors to stop pissing off the back of the boat?

He gives them a stern talking to.

Whats the longest word in the english language?

“Smile”

What kind of pirate pees on you?

Rrrrrrrr Kelly

Jimmy Saville, Gary Glitter and R Kelly walk into a bar.

The Irish undercover cop barman says, " Not you three again?"

Thomas Hobbes was misquoted.

Whatsoever therefore is consequent to a time of war, where every man is enemy to every man, the same consequent to the time wherein men live without other security than what their own strength and their own invention shall furnish them withal. In such condition there is no place for industry... no knowledge of the face of the earth; no account of time; no arts; no letters; no society; and which is worst of all, continual fear, and danger of violent death; and the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, British, and short.

whats a priest favorite food?

A cross-saint!

My friend with a stutter died in prison the other day

He never got to finish his sentence

My body is a temple

If you take your shoes off, you can come inside