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I’m working on book that teaches midgets how to do math.
I call it making the little things count.
Identity Crisis
“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was *your* mother.”
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper from 100 meters away.
The Hitman gets fired!
A very dumb fella wanted to be a Hitman for the Mafia. But he got fired after he failed miserably on his first job! He burned his lips on the tailpipe of the car he was suppose to blow up!
What did the police captain say when no one laughed at his disrespectful joke?
Dismissed!
What
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.” Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”
After going to the casino every weekend for years, I finally won big. A brand new Nissan.
I call it my Vice Versa.
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits within 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.