The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Two scientists walk into a bar.
“I’ll have H2O,” says the first. “I’ll have H2O too,” says the second. The bartender gives them water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical functions of homonyms in coda positions, as well as pragmatic context.
Who should a man marry?
The answer should be obvious. If a man marries a woman, he will have to buy her shoes and clothes for the rest of his life. But if he marries a man, he will double his wardrobe at no charge.
A husband and wife are having breakfast
The wife asks him: ‘Honey could you take a look at the bathroom door, it seems a little stuck’ ‘Do I look like a carpenter?’ ‘And the toilet is also clogged.. i’d take a look at that as well’ ‘Do I look like a plumber?’ ‘Oh and theres a tile loose on our kitchen floor’ ‘Do I look like a tiler?’ The next evening, the husband comes home from work. The wife tells him: ‘Honey everything’s been fixed! Mr Adams from across the street offered to help.’ ‘Oh, that’s nice. Did he ask anything in return?’ ‘Well I could choose. Bake him a pie or sleep with him’ The husband laughs and responds: ‘I hope you baked him a nice pie’ ‘Do I look like a baker?’
How many Nails did it take for the Crucifixion of Jesus?
I dunno, probably a Handful?
Why did they name it "Meth"?
because you can still ask your dealer for Meff when you have no teef
Hey baby, you wanna play pilgrim thanksgiving?
That’s where you squat and I gobble!
what does captain Kirk have in common with toilet paper?
They both go to Uranus to get the Klingons
A Jewish woman wants her son to have a bris but her Christian husband is against it
She goes against his wishes and has a secret bris. The husband shows up unannounced and everyone in the synagogue is in shock. The mother gasps, "How did you know?!" The father replies "I could see it coming a mohel away."
What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
BMW have pricks on the inside.