The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

When I get stoned I like to listen to Pink Floyd & eat a lot.

I have become comfortably plump.

She said: "Come to my place this evening, there will be nobody home."

I went there and rang the doorbell. There was nobody home.

Confucius say; Man who is into fisting,

gives shitty handshakes.

Friend: “I bet you can’t make a sentence without the letters “A”, “E”, and “I” “

Me: “Fuck you”

What do you call a drummer who touches crippled kids inappropriately?

A paradiddler.

How does Rob Zombie make brownies?

Eggs, milk and flour Bake, for half an hour Frost, with the back of my SPATULA!

Don’t be a racist

Be a panda! They are black, white, and Asian

Why did the Sicilian call the suicide hotline?

To place an order.

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

To hold the foreskin back.

Why is Bismuth so versatile and compatible?

Because it is Bi.

What’s a proctologist’s favorite planet?

Uranus

What do you call a fried turnover that’s empty inside?

An empa-NADA!

What do you call an antivirus made for windows

Curtains