The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

David lost his ID

He is Dav now

I finally got around to reading Stephen Hawkins’s last book.

It was about time.

What do you call a Latino who lost his car?

Carlos

It’s really too bad about John Krazinski! My moon lamented

What are you talking about? I asked. I read her he’s working delivering Mail. What? Look “ Krazinsky really delivers in his post office career.”

Yesterday, I drank a bottle of invisible ink.

I was in the hospital all night waiting to be seen

What do you call a gay Klu Klux Klan member?

A white power bottom

Last night I dreamt I was a pregnant horse...

I was having a mare.

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!

How did they know princess Dianna had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders in the glove box

If women track their periods then is it called…

… the periodic table?

I like my slaves like I like my coffee

Free

A Blonde guy burned two ears...

So they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, 'I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang... So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...' 'But how the heck did you burn the other ear?' The doctor asked. 'They called back.'