The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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My wife hit me because she saw me give another woman a cream cake at work.
What's wrong with this woman? I work in a bakery.
There was a crew of pirates, but they’ve been having some trouble on their ship
Every week a crew member turns up dead with their throat slit, so they know it’s somebody on the ship killing them. For convenience, the crew all go by initials of one letter, all that remained was EE, II, and AA. The captain called each member in one by one starting with EE. He says “EE, what do you know about these killings? was it you?” He replies “No captain it wasn’t me, the only people I kill are your enemies.” He says “you better be telling the truth” and sends him out of the room. He calls in II. “II, what do you know about the killings? was it you?” He replies “Captain, I saw EE looking suspicious the other day, I think it’s him. I would never kill one of our crew members” He says “you better be telling the truth” and send him out of the room. Lastly, he calls in AA. He says “AA, i’ve known you a long time and you’re my right hand man, I trust that it’s not you killing these people so I need you to tell me everything you know” He replies “II cappin”
Whenever I’m leaving a party, I write my name on a piece of paper, and hand it to the host.
That’s my signature move.
How many ears does Davy Crocket have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the Wild Front Ear!
A blind guy and a hunchback…
A blind guy and a hunchback were drinking in a bar. The hunchback suddenly remembered he promised his wife he would be home before midnight. So he rushes home, taking a shortcut through the cementery. While walking through this cemetery he suddenly hears: “BOO, i am a ghost, what’s on your back?” The hunchback replies: “eh… that’s a hump.” “Give it to me!”, yells the ghost. He takes away the hump and disappears. The hunchback, now released from his hump, overwhelmed with joy, thought: “i must tell my blind friend, maybe he can be helped aswell.” So back to the bar he rushes and he tells his blind friend what happened. He tells his friend: “Maybe he can make you see again!” The blind guy, as fast as he could, made his way to the cemetery. When he finally got there, the ghost apears. “BOO, I am a ghost, what’s on your back?” The blind guy replies: “eh… nothing”. The ghost answers: “Here, have a hump!”
Have you heard about the blonde who could not get pregnant?
Turns out she had been buttfucked all her life
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.