The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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TIFU by complimenting a waiter at a steakhouse
I told him "well done!" and he decided to burn my steak?? Tf
What do you call a prostitute that pegs men for jewelry?
Lucy in this Guy for Diamonds
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
What is the Funniest soviet joke? ​ An old man was scattered on the sidewalk and accidentally fell into the river beside the road, shouting for help! The two policemen heard it, turned a blind eye, and continued to talk and laugh as they walked. The old man became anxious and shouted "Down with Brezhnev"! When the two policemen heard this, they jumped into the river and dragged the old man ashore to handcuff him.
One day a blind man goes to restaurant
The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”. The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork. The blind man smells it and says: “I’ll have the beef steak with mash potatoes and gravy and some chocolate brownies for dessert”. The server brings him his food and the blind man enjoys his meal, pays the bill and leaves. Next week, the blind man goes back to the same restaurant. The server recognizes him and wanting to see how good the blind man’s sense of smell is, he goes to the kitchen and asks his wife, Brenda, for a spoon. He instructs his wife, Brenda, to rub the spoon all over her private parts and so she does. The server hands the dirty spoon to the blind man. The blind man takes a whiff and says: “I didn’t know Brenda worked here”
There’s a great actor who can no longer remember his lines, and when word gets out, no one will hire him.
After many years he finally finds a theater that is prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, “This is the most important part, but it has only one line. You walk out on stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply, and then say, ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.’” The actor is thrilled. All day long he practices his line over and over again. Finally, showtime comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.” The theater erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming! The actor looks stunned. “You damn fool!” cries the director. “You have ruined me!” “What happened?? I’m sure I didn’t forget my line!” “No!” screams the director. “You forgot the rose!”
Tragic news from the Nestle factory today as a worker was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolates.
He tried in vain to get help but every time he shouted, "The milky bars are on me!!" --his fellow workmates just cheered