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(repost) Sad News: the founder of /r/jokes passed away
RIP Larry Tesler, the Ul designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74
Hi Reddit! We are scientists who need to know the best way to tell people Yellowstone is about to erupt!
Thanks for the help!
Everybody knows there are words only black people can say, but what can only white people say?
"Thanks for the warning officer."
New Diet
So I’m at Walmart picking up a bag of dog food for my dog. Waiting in the long line the lady behind me strikes up a conversation. She asks if I have a dog, and I think, why else would I be carrying this big bag of dog food? Then I said “No, I’m starting the dog food diet again. Even though I ended up in the hospital last time.” She looked horrified. I continued, “But I had lost 50lbs before I woke up in the hospital with IV’s and feeding tube and a broken arm and pelvis and a concussion.” “Oh Dear!” She said. I told her that it was the perfect diet, that you fill your pockets with the nuggets and when you feel hungry you just pop a couple and eat them. And since the dog food is nutritionally complete it works great, and I really want to try it again. Now everyone in line is listening to me and our discussion. She asked, “Well, was it the dog food that put you in the hospital?” “Oh, no,” I answered, “I stepped off the curb to sniff a poodle’s butt and a truck hit me…” I thought the guy behind her was gonna have a heart attack he was laughing so hard…
Hades: But if you look at your lover before leaving my realm, she will return to me.
Oedipus: No problem.
The son went to his dad and asked him, “Dad, what’s an alcoholic?”
The dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight." The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two!”