The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Why did the grape tell a lie?

He had his raisins…

I just spat out a chunk of stomach.

>!Don’t stuff yourself too much with beef tripe pho.!<

Excerpt from a newspaper, "Cocaine found on sidewalk"

"On Oct. 19, a small bag of a white powdered substance was found laying on the sidewalk of 50th Street and 49th Avenue in Sedgewick. The substance was determined to be cocaine. "The owner of the cocaine is welcome to come into the Killam/Forestburg RCMP detachment to claim their property." Source: "The Community Press" Newspaper, November 2, 2010, Sedgewick, Alberta, Canada

What’s green and smells like red paint?

Green paint.

You know what really gets my goat?

El Chupacabra

I was assaulted by a man with a block of cheese.

I mean, how dairy!

LIFE HACK: If you want to learn every Spanish cuss word, just say these two words in a room full of Hispanic people.

"Yolanda Saldívar."

Joke

Whats a line of barbies? A bbq..... ba dum tsss

What’s a poker player’s favourite type of exercise?

Cardio.

a tesla robot walks into a bar

waves, dances, drinks too much, and then has to be carried on stage by 3 other guys

(Mentions of gore) Once upon a time, there was a very brave but very arrogant man…

This man claimed he could survive anything. He survived falls from various heights, various guns, sharp objects and even acid. One day, he declared he was going to survive a steamroller. So this brave man went in the roller’s path… He sadly died that day, but the most important thing was he proved that he had guts.

A boy asks his dad ‘dad, are we pyromaniacs?’

‘Yes,’ said the father, ‘we arson’

What do you call an equestrian that has never received a blow job?

A Headless Horseman!