The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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For the participation award, they gave me a tiny box of Lego
It didn’t satisfy my heart’s contempt, It was in pieces
I HAVE THE DARKEST JOKE EVER! ITS TOO DARK FOR MOST MINDS! If you can tolerate South Park, you can tolerate my filthy joke!
The worst stoner in America...... Is Bill Cosby! ​ # GET IT!???!!!
Why do scientists knew that the frozen prehistoric man they found in the Arctic was friendly ?
Because he’s a”n iceman”
A woman walks into a bar
and syas hello barman today i require some weed and meth and alcahol and cigarete and barman give everything except cigaret woman asks barmen why do i not get citadel and barwoman say woman woman you are pregmat you cant smoke and drink and and you are wild woman wo woman what are you even doing why wh what are you dpoing here get out and the wombat gets hemorrhoids
One day, a bus driver sees a nazi waiting at the stop
The driver pulls up and says “I can’t let you on looking like that! Is this some kind of joke?” The nazi replies “zis is no joke, it said on the timetable that this bus is due”
Took my dad shopping for some new shoes
He’s 86 and found it quite tiring so we stopped for a coffee and a sandwich. While sitting there some teenagers sat at the table next to us. One of them had a Mohican hairdo that was dyed all the colours of the rainbow and my dad wouldn’t stop staring at him. Eventually the boy got fed up of this and asked my dad sarcastically ‘what is your problem old man haven’t you ever done anything wild just for fun’ My dad, without missing a beat, replied ‘I got drunk once in my 20’s and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son’
why did the carpenter reject the girl?
She was not polished and rough around the edges
Sunday off
Six girls, one guy, sailing a boat in the open ocean. Tragedy strikes, and the boat slowly starts to sink. None of the girls know how to swim and they desperately beg the guy to save them. The brawny guy indeed saves all of them. They end up in a desert island, and wonder what they will do with the vast free time that they are given. After a consensual discussion, the girls decide to present the guy the idea that he sleeps with one of them every day. At first, the guy is elated, and thanked whoever taught him to swim as a kid. But time passed, and the guy grew tired. He only had Sunday to himself, and the girls’ appetite was only getting stronger. He had to do something soon! He decides to go up the mountain, in hopes of seeing someone else on a sinking boat. He thought if it was another guy, they could split the girls, and have three each. The fortune had smiled on our brawny guy. Out there in the ocean, there was another man drowning for he knew not how to swim. He is soon saved by the best swimmer in the island, and when they make it ashore, the guy who was drowning says: “Awww, thank you handsome for saving my life”. “There goes my Sunday off”, says the other guy.
I woke up to a cheeky blow job this morning.
That’s the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.