The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

what’s the difference between an old bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

one’s a crusty bus station and the others a busty crustacean

Dog Joke

I spotted an albino Dalmatian the other day. It was the least I could do.

I heard Ed Wood made a movie about a deaf man with no hands.

He called it "Silence of the Limbs."

An ancient Greek philosopher actually invented capitalism.

His name was Bysumades.

What kind of car does a sushi chef drive?

Rolls Rice

How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they cant change shit.

Survey

(Advance warning - Lame joke ahead) A woman approaches a man on the street and says, "Excuse me Sir, I’m doing a little survey, can I ask you some questions?" The man says. "Yes of course." Woman: "Assume that you’re traveling in a bus and a lady gets on the bus and she’s got no available seat would you give up your seat for her?" Man - "No." Woman: "What if the lady that got on the bus was pregnant would you give up your seat then? Man: "No." Woman: "What if the lady got on the bus was a senior lady would you give your seat then?" Man: "No." Woman: "You are one selfish man you have no manners. Who do you think you are? Man: “Madam, I am a Bus Driver"

Did you hear how the town whore died?

They had one too many blows to the head.

What happened to the angry fly on the toilet seat?

He got pissed off.

I met someone with halitosis last night. He had some strange ideas but, oddly enough,

everything he said made scents

I used to build doors for a door company but they abruptly dropped my contract.

I guess all my doors kept hitting people in the ass on their way out.

I bought the 250 million year old pink Himalayan salt

Behind the package, on the label, it says that it expires in December 2022

Idk if my mom is being sarcastic or am I adopted and she never told me.

Asked mom: What should I put on for Halloween? Her: Just be yourself. It’s spooky enough.