The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Archaeologists discovered a new bone structure in prehistoric mammals

On closer inspection, it was a fossil arm Credits to /u/SlothyPotato for the joke in /r/2007scape

My preferred reddit username is like my preferred partner.

Both are already taken.

Why is that one spider getting all the women?

They dont call him daddy long (3) legs for nothing

A very old joke from the days of ancient Rome:

During one of the civil wars a centurion burst into a villa and found there two young women and their chaperone. "Aha!" he cried. "Prepare to be ravished, women!" "Mercy!" cried one of the young women. "Do as you will with us, but respect the grey hairs of our beloved aunt!" "Silence, foolish girl," commanded the old woman. "War is war."

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

Anyone know? Someone asked me this when I was a kid, but they must have forgotten the punchline since they never told me.

As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests.

My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging

Dwarf Buys a Racehorse

A Dwarf with a hairlip finds a racehorse for sale so he goes to see it. He tells the man selling the horse that he will have to be lifted up to see what he needs to see, the man agrees. the Dwarf says " furst i need ta see de eawrs" the man lifts him up and the Dwarf says "vewy nice vewy nice pewfect fo a wacehorse" the Dwarf then asks to see the eyes and the man lifts him up getting a little annoyed. the Dwarf says " vewy nice vewy nice pewfect eyes fo a wacehorse" the Dwarf says " i need to see the teef and thats all" the man now extremely angry, lifts him up the Dwarf says " vewy nice vewy shawp vewy nice teef fo a wacehorse" the man puts the Dwarf down and the Dwarf says " thewre is one mo fing i need to see, i would like to see hew twat" The man now really angry says " good here ya go" lifts the horses tail and shoves the Dwarf right in there. The Dwarf lands on the ground wipes his face and says " let me wephwase mysewf, i would like to see her wun awound da twack."

What do you call it when a pig is making a cake

Bacon

Why was 6.9 sad?

It’s a good time interrupted by a period.

The first rule of Paradox Club

is not the first rule of Paradox Club.

Why can you never trust a simp?

Someone who is down bad is technically always up to no good

my friend tony asked me to not say his name backwards

y not?

Why does ten have ptsd?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.